Zorua Reviews
by Matthais123
Summary: Zorua is reviewing movies! He even reviews TV episodes! Send him suggestions in reviews and he'll review them in a very humorous way! (Of course, this is a "Bum Reviews with Chester A Bum by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses" spoof)
1. The Legend of the Pokemon Knight

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**The Legend of the Pokemon Knight**_

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**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

There's this human, and he looks just like Ash Ketchum for some reason, and he has this Pikachu, who looks just like Ash's Pikachu for some reason. And the guy is a Pokemon Knight! And there's this princess, and she got kidnapped by a pirate!

I got kidnapped by a pirate once!

Oh wait, actually he was a sociopathic businessman who wanted to take over the world.

_(Turns around dramatically) _OF COURSE!

So the Knight is like, "I'll save you Princess!"

And the Pirate is like, "No you won't!"

And then the Pirate's broccoli monkey defeats the Pikachu, and the bad guys escape with the Princess.

And I'm like, what the hay? How does a broccoli monkey defeat a Pikachu?

So the Knight goes to see a Dragon Master, and she has humongous hair! She reminds me of my Meema.

And so the Dragon Master decides to train the Knight.

And the Dragon Master's like, "If you can defeat my Axew, then you'll be strong enough to defeat the Pirate!"

And the Knight is like, "Why don't you defeat the Pirate?"

And the Dragon Master's like, "My name isn't in the title."

"Oh. . ."

So they have this Pokemon Battle, and Pikachu and Axew make this huuuuuge explosion, and the Dragon Master disappears.

And then her voice is like, "You are strong enough to defeat the Pirate now."

Why did she disappear? Is she hiding in the bushes somewhere? Who ever said Dragon Masters could turn invisible?

So then the Knight goes to the Pirate's cave, and they start having this awesome battle, but then, two people and a talking Meowth show up! The Meowth can really talk! All great movies having talking Pokemon! Remember Jirachi the Wishmaker, that had a talking Pokemon in it. Oh wait, that was Max.

So the people and the Meowth, come in on a . . .flying machine. . .

_(Scratches head)_

How is there a flying machine in this? Isn't this supposed to be in Medieval Times? How is there a flying machine?

So then they do this really weird rhyming introduction poem. The woman is Jessie, the man is James, and the Meowth is. . .Meowth. And they're all part of an evil organization called Team Rocket!

_(Scratches head again_)

Who the hay is Team Rocket? I thought the Pirate was the bad guy?

So they try to kidnap the Princess, and it turns out that she's a Zorua!

I was a Zorua once!

. . .

And I still am!

And the Zorua in the movie, is a really cute and hot female. And I got a crush on her- NO I DON'T!

Anyway, it turns out that the Pirate was really under the mind control of the Big Bad Team Rocket! And he's actually a. . .super hero looking. . .guy. . .

This plot really has me confused.

Why are there so many weird plot twists? This is a Pokemon Movie, not _Inception_!

So then, the Dragon Master shows up, and I'm like, "What are you doing here! I thought you were only supposed to train the Knight!"

Anyway, everyone is attacking Team Rocket and trying to blow them all up, because they're trying to kidnap the cute Zorua girl.

And Meowth is like, "I've got ya now!"

And the Zorua is like, flip, woosh, flash, "Meowth!"

And Meowth is like, "Oh my gosh, a girl Meowth with a flower in her hair!"

All girls have flowers in their hair!

And James is like, "No you dummy, that's Zorua!"

And then the Zorua makes an explosion!

I made an explosion once!

Oh wait, that was Meema.

So Team Rocket gives up, and they fly away with jet packs!

WOW!

This was a Sci-Fi movie all along!

But then the Knight is like, "Where's the real Princess?"

And the Pirate Super Hero Guy is like, "The Dragon Master is the Princess."

And the Dragon Master is like, "I am?"

And the Pirate Super Hero Guy is like, "Yes."

And the Dragon Master is like, "Oh yeah, I am!"

And she take off her disguise and reveals herself as the Princess!

So the Knight and Pirate Super Hero Guys become defenders of the Kingdom, and they all live happily ever after. The end.

This movie was really exciting! It had battles! Action! Explosions! Romance! Scenery! Really confusing plot twists! And high tech flying machines and jet pack. . .WOW!

This was the best 15 minutes I ever spent looking at a movie screen!

I wonder if that Zorua would see a movie with me if I asked her. . .

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, I need my strength for when I ask her out! I might have to give her some Pecha Berries to sweeten the deal!

* * *

_**Thank You**_

_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this movie was a fun, but it had too many last minute plot twists that really felt forced for some reason.** ('Z')**)_


	2. Pokemon 4Eever

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: _**Pokemon 4Eever**

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**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

_(Singing) _Born to be a- SPOILERS!

There's the Pokemon Trainer, named Sam, and he lived 40 years ago!

And there's this evil Pokemon Poacher, and he's trying to catch Celebi!

I met a Celebi once!

We're BFFs!

And Sam is like, "I won't let you hurt Celebi!"

And Celebi is like, "BIIIIIIIII" Woosh!

And she teleports away with Sam.

Then we jump 40 whole years later!

And the evil Pokemon Poacher is all old, and he meets the eviler Iron Masker Marauder who works for Team Rocket!

And the Masked Marauder is like, "Tell me where Celebi is!"

And the Poacher is like, "No, go away!"

And the Masked Marauder is like, "Okay then, I'll just use my Dark Ball to steal your Tyranitar and blow your stuff up."

"Okay, well- wait what?"

"Too late!"

BOOOOOM!

"Ahh! Okay, I'll tell you! Just don't blow me up!"

What the hay? Team Rocket was never this violent!

_(Team Rocket Motto Music starts playing) _

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light! Surrender now-"

_(Record scratch)_

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"OR WE'LL KILL YOU ALL WITH OUR EVIL DARK POKEMON!"

So Ash, Misty, and Brock go to the Shrine of Celebi. And Sam and Celebi time travel right there in front of them!

So they take him back to the house of an old lady named Towa.

And Towa is like, "You disappeared 40 years ago!"

And Sam is like, "Who cares! I gotta find Celebi!"

So they go back to the forest, and the Iron Masked Marauder is still blowing stuff up, this time with a giant robot!

But the heroes find Celebi.

And Celebi's like, "Go away!"

And the Marauder is like, "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!" and sends his Dark Tyranitar after them.

But they all escape!

But then the Iron Masked Marauder meets Jessie, James, and Meowth.

And he's like, "Join me, because we all work for Team Rocket and I would in no way betray you or stab you in the back in any way!"

And Jessie, James, and Meowth are like, "Okay!"

And he's like, "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!" and sends his Dark Pokemon after the good guys.

So then Sam takes out a really weird looking Poke Ball.

And Ash is like, "What the-."

But I'm like, "Retro Ball!"

So Ash's Bayleaf and Sam's Charmeleon are fighting, and they win!

So then, they arrive at the Lake of Life, and it heals Celebi!

And Celebi's like, "Let's play now! Even though an evil psychopath is out to get me and is probably after me right now."

And the heroes are like, "Okay!"

Then there's this really nice scene where all these Metapods are evolving into Butterfree. . .

. . .And then the Iron Masked Marauder catches Celebi in a Dark Ball. . .

. . .That's sad. . .

But I got captured by an evil psychopath once!

_Not fun._

But then Ash is like, "YOU MONSTER!"

And his Pokemon blows up the giant robot.

But the Dark Ball has now turned Celebi EVIL!

And the Iron Masked Marauder is like, "Now I can use Dark Celebi to make a giant wooden robot to overthrow Giovanni and take over Team Rocket!"

And everyone is like, "GASP!"

And so he tries to use Celebi to blow up Sam and Ash with a lazer beam.

But then, Suicune comes and saves them!

I got saved by Suicune once!

And Raikou and Entei too!

So Suicune carries them up the wooden robot, but he gets caught!

Huh! Some Legendary Pokemon.

But Sam and Ash find Jessie in the robot.

And Jessie is like, "Celebi is in the heart of the wooden robot!"

And Ash and Sam are like, "Why are you helping us?"

And Jessie is like, "I'm loyal to Giovanni, so that masked guy is a traitor!"

"But aren't you still supposed to be evil?"

"JUST SAVE CELEBI BEFORE WE ALL DIE!"

So they get to Celebi, and use the Power of Love to free her from the Dark Ball's mind control.

So the giant wooden robot crumbles, and Celebi flies Sam and Ash to safety.

And then she dies. . .

_(beat)_

But then they put her in the Lake of Life!

But the lake got polluted. . .

_(beat)_

But then Suicune purifies the lake!

But it still doesn't work. . .

_(beat)_

But then Ash tries to feed her berries, which I don't see would help someone who's dying unless they're dying of starvation. . .

I think he got them confused with Revival Herbs.

How do you confuse an berry with an herb?

Anyway, just when it looks like all hope is lost. . .Celebis from different times come through a portal and heal Celebi as good as new!

Wait, wouldn't that create a Time Paradox?

I created a Time Paradox once!

The Doctor was so mad at me.

That's why I always stay away from Phone Booths.

Anyway, I knew Celebi wasn't gonna die! No one ever dies in Pokemon movies!

_(Loud buzzer sounds)__  
_

Oh yeah. _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_. . .

Anyway, then the Iron Masked Marauder comes back, grabs Celebi, and and flies off with a jet pack!

But Ash and Pikachu grab on too!

And Ash is like, "I've decided to kill the both of us, and Pikachu too."

And Pikachu's like, "Okay!"

And he uses Thunderbolt and blows up the jet pack!

But then Celebi saves them!

And the Masked Marauder has his fall broken by some trees.

And his mask comes off!

OH MY GOSH!

. . .He's not disfigured at all. . .

What the hay!

He spends the whole movie and isn't even disfigured?

That's stupid! Why even bother putting a mask on him!

He reminds me of Paradox.

So Bug type Pokemon tie him up, and Towa starts yelling at him.

And the Marauder is like, "Old lady! AHHHHH!"

And so everyone says goodbye, and Celebi and Sam travel back to their own time.

So they all meet up with Professor Oak.

And Ash is like, "I'm sure gonna miss that guy."

And Professor Oak is like, "Don't worry, I'm sure you and Sam are still friends and will meet again soon."

So they leave, but then Misty wonders how he knew the boy's name was Sam.

And then we go back to Professor Oak, and he has Sam's drawing notebook!

And I was like, "WOW! Sam was Professor Oak 40 years ago!"

But why did he change his name to Professor Oak.

That's weird.

And the movie end with all of the Iron Masked Marauders Pokemon running free, and Jessie, James, and Meowth are all floating on the lake.

A happy ending for all!

Oh yeah, except for the Marauder, he's being tortured by an old lady.

THE HORROR!

So the moral of this story is that bad guys who use mind control and blow stuff up are worse than bad guys who don't use mind control and blow stuff up!

I really loved this movie! But, they shouldn't have called it _Pokemon 4Ever._ What does the 4 mean anyway?

OOH! I know what they should've called it!

_Celebi: Voice of the Forest_!

Oh my gosh! That's inspired!

I know! I'll ask Celebi to take me back in time so I can change the name!

Genius!

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, how can I convince Celebi to take me back in time if I don't give her any berries?

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Thanks RealityLost! This was a really good suggestion! And that Peecha Berry you gave me helped me get a date with Luke's Zorua! I think we're going steady now!

* * *

_**Thank You**_

_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this movie was incredible! It was dark at some points, but that's what made it exciting. It was FULL of suspense. **('Z')**)_


	3. Destiny Deoxys

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: _**Destiny Deoxys**

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

E.T. phone- _SPOILERS!_

Pokemon movies always feature a Legendary Pokemon.

And this time the Legendary Pokemon is an ALIEN!

I met an alien once!

Oh wait, that was an Elgyem.

Who I think is an alien.

So there's this boy who's exploring the North Pole, and then a meteorite crashes down into the ice!

And out of the meteorite comes an alien Pokemon called Deoxys!

He kinda looks like red and blue Twizzlers.

And I'm like, "Twizzlers?! I love that candy!"

But then this long green dragon type Legendary Pokemon called Rayquaza shows up.

And Deoxys is like, "I come in peace."

And Rayquaza is like, "DIE, ALIEN! DIE!"

And then Rayquaza blows all of the arctic researchers stuff up, and blasts Deoxys to the bottom of the ocean.

But Deoxys leaves behind a green stone that the researchers take and study for 4 years.

Who knew research took so long?

So Ash, May, Max, and Brock are at LaRousse Ctiy, where there are robots all over the place.

Why? Cause there's an alien in this movie which means it automatically has to become a Sci-Fi movie!

So they meet the boy from the beginning of the movie, and his name is Tory.

And Tory is like, "I'm afraid of Pokemon!"

And Ash is like, "Touch Pikachu!"

And Tory is like, "No."

But then Deoxys breaks out from the ice, and flies to the City while making pretty lights in the sky.

But Rayquaza is like, "That alien is making pretty lights. . .IT MUST DIE!"

And Tory's dad is like, "Everyone evacuate now!"

But Ash, his friends, and Tory are trapped in the building where the green space rock is being kept.

Then Deoxys makes a huge force-field to keep out the Big Bad Rayquaza.

And I'm like, "Hooray! Deoxys is a hero!"

And then Deoxys clones itself and attacks Ash and his friends.

And I'm like, "Wow, Deoxys is not a hero. . ."

What the hay? Either you save people or yet them get hurt! You can't do both!

Then this scientist girl named Yuko is like, "There's another Deoxys inside the green rock, so Deoxys must be attacking because it wants its friend back!"

So everyone is working hard to make power to wake up the green Deoxys.

Water types are making hydro-electric power.

Flying types are making wind-power.

Team Rocket is pedaling a machine.

But it's not enough.

But then, Pikachu, Plusle, and Minun zap the machine, and now they have enough power.

. . .wait, wouldn't it have made more sense to have the Electric type Pokemon make the power from the start?

. . .oh well.

So the Green Deoxys wakes up and take Ash and Tory to meet its friend who's holding the city hostage.

But Rayquaza has broken through the force field, but the Red and Blue Deoxys smashes it into the ground.

And Red and Blue Deoxys is like, "I DONT'T COME IN PEACE ANYMORE! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

I almost got killed once!

. . .

Why the heck did I announce it like that?

But the Green Deoxys is like, "No! Don't kill him!"

And the Red and Blue Deoxys is like, "Gasp! Friend!"

And they're all happy. . .

But then Rayquaza is like, "Wow, the green one saved my life. . .THEY MUST DIE! THEY BOTH MUST DIE!"

But then the security robots are like, "CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!"

And they tackle Rayquaza.

And the Deoxys are like, "Let's help him even though he has constantly been trying to kill us!"

So they try to save him, but they get tackled too.

And Tory's dad is like, "The only way to stop the robots is to show a passport to the chief robot."

And Ash and Tory are like, "Wouldn't it be easier to have an off button?"

"The writers wanted to have something climatic at the end."

"Oh."

So Ash and Tory ride a hog dog machine to the tower where the chief robot is.

I swear that I didn't drink any hard cider while watching this.

And they get to the chief robot and turn off the attacking robots!

But then, Plusle and Minun fall off the pile of robots to their deaths!

"Ahhhh!"

"Ahhhh!"

And Tory is like, "I'll save you!"

And he falls off too.

"AHHHHHHH! This is what I get for deciding I'm not afraid of Pokemon anymore!"

But Deoxys saves them all!

And Tory is like, "I just went through a second traumatizing experience where Pokemon nearly caused my untimely death. . .AWESOME! Now I love Pokemon and will never be afraid of them again!"

And Rayquaza is like, "The aliens saved tried to save my life but failed miserably, nearly getting themselves killed in the process. . .AWESOME! Now I love aliens and will never try to kill them again!"

So the three Pokemon all fly away, leaving in their wake millions of dollars worth of property damage, as well as thousands of traumatized human and Pokemon citizens.

So the moral of this story is that if someone doesn't like you, just set up an elaborate plot to put them in life threatening danger and then save their lives. . .or have someone else save both of you.

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, I can use them to make Pecha Berry Twizzlers! Doesn't that sound good?!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Thanks PokemonFreak90! This was a really good suggestion! And that Peecha Berry you gave me helped me convince Celebi to take me back in time! I couldn't completely change the name, so the writer and I compromised and called it **Pokémon 4Ever - Celebi: Voice of the Forest**! Neat, huh? You bet it is!

* * *

_**Thank You**_

_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this movie was INSANE! It was just Rayquaza going on a rampage mashed together with life or death situations and an overflow of Sci-Fi stuff. And it made me hate Rayquaza. WORST of the Pokemon movies!**('Z')**)_


	4. The Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**The Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

The Password is- _SPOILERS!_

There's scientist named Dr. Yung, and he's like, "Come see my Mirage Pokemon!"

And Ash, May, Max, Brock, Misty, and Professor Oak are like, "Okay."

So Dr. Yung uses a computer to create Mirage Pokemon, and they're invincible!

But then an evil masked man named Mirage Master takes control of the computer and creates Mirage Legendary Pokemon, and they're EVIL!

He looks kind of like The Sorcerer from Spyro the Dragon.

Spyro the Dragon?! I love that game!

And Mirage Master is like, "I'll kidnap Professor Oak and Dr. Yund and take over the world!

_(Turns around dramatically)_ OF COURSE!

So Mirage Master has Professor Oak locked up. But then Mew shows up!

And Professor Oak is like, "Wow! I'm actually getting to meet Mew!"

I met Mew once!

He's my reverse cousin!

. . .

Well, ya see, Lucario apprentice Aura Guardian (He came back from the dead) met my Meema a while ago, and now he's my Papa! Papa had met a Riolu who knew Aura Sphere before that and adopted him, so Riolu became my brother!

And Papa and Mew are really good friends!

And Mewtwo is technically Mew's son, cause he's his clone. And since Papa and Mew were good friends, Papa and Mewtwo became even closer friends! so now Mewtwo's my Uncle!

Well, technically Mewtwo would be my cousin and Mew would be my Uncle, but Mewtwo looks older, so it's easier to have Mewtwo my Uncle and Mew my cousin.

Mykiio drew a family portrait for us. It's on DeviantArt right now! He calls it "Body, mind and Spirit." It's the greatest family portrait I've ever seen in my life!

Wow, I went on a long tangent just now.

. . .That was wierd. . .

Well, anyway, Mew and Professor oak are talking, but then Mew gets attacked by Mirage Pokemon and leaves. . .

That was a pointless cameo!

So Ash and his friends are trying to get into the laboratory, but so are Team Rocket!

And Team Rocket is like, "Prepare for trouble!"

And the Mirage Master is like, "Mirage Pokemon attack!"

And Team Rocket is like, "Forget this, we're out of here!"

So the Mirage Pokemon capture them, but then Mew and Pikachu free them!

So Mew was only pretending to be a cameo! Wow! That's genius!

But then, Mew and Pikachu get captured!

And Ash is like, "Forget Pikachu, I'm saving the Legendary Pokemon!"

So Ash saves Mew, but Pikachu is taken away!

But it turns out, that Mew is really a Mirage Pokemon!

Only not evil.

So Mirage Master has Pikachu locked in a machine.

And he's like, "Give me the password to your Pokemon research data."

And Professor Oak is like, "Never! I'l never surrender to an Iron Masked Marauder knock off!"

"I am not!"

"Are you disfigured?"

"Uhh. . . no. . .but. . ."

"I rest my case."

"Fine, then I'll just download the Legendary Pokemon from Pikachu's memory!"

And Pikachu is like, "AHHHHHHHHHH! This is worse than the Spearows and the electromagnet combined!"

So Professor Oak is like, "Okay, the Password is REDGREEN!"

So the Mirage Master downloads all of the Pokemon information all over the world, and creates an EVIL Super Mirage Mewtwo with the power of all the Pokemon in the world!

Wow, wasn't Uncle Mewtwo strong enough already?

So Misty was thrown over a bridge in the battle. And she's hanging onto the edge.

And she's like, "Can't hold on much longer!"

And she falls of.

"AHHHHHH!"

But May catches her!

"Oh my gosh, you saved my life!"

"Yes I did! Now you have to let me have Advanceshipping!"

"Huh?"

"Alright, goodbye-."

"Ah! Nononono! Okay, Ash is all yours! Pull me up!"

So Mirage Mewtwo is blowing stuff up, so everyone runs away.

And they're like, "We're safe!"

But then Mirage Master launches missiles that boosts the power of the Mirage Computer!

And Professor Oak is like, "The Mirage Master that kidnapped Dr. Yund was a hologram! He's really Dr. Yund's evil alter-ego!"

And the Mirage Master takes off his mask, and it really is Dr. Yund!

_GASP!_

Oh my gosh! He's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde parody! AHHHHHH!

So Professor Oak is like, "Dr. Yund was expelled from the Pokemon institute for disrespecting Pokemon."

And everyone is like, "Well, then why did you let us come to his lab? Why is he even allowed to have a lab?"

"We had to wait for him to try to take over the world first."

So Dr. Yund is like, "Mirage Mewtwo, kill Pikachu!"

You know, for kids!

But Mirage Mew is like, "I'll save you!"

And Mirage Mew is sucked into the Mirage System!

So Dr. Yund is like, "Alright, let's try again! Mirage Mewtwo, kill Pikachu!"

You know, for kids!

But then Team Rocket gets hit, and they're like, "Were blasting off again!"

Ding!

So Dr. Yund is like, ". . . . . . . . . . .KILL THE DARN MOUSE ALREADY!"

So Pikachu is gonna get killed.

You know, for kids!

But then Mirage Mew is like, "I'm holding him back from the inside! Attack now!"

So Pikachu uses Volt Tackle, and Mirage Mewtwo explodes!

He actually explodes!

More movies need exploding Mewtwos!

And the Mirage system explodes too!

And everything is on fire!

And Dr. Yund is like, "Well, I'm going to the bad place anyway, so. . ."

And he runs into the burning lab!

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! Hopefully I'll meet Hunter J soon!"

And so that's the end of the evil Mirage Pokemon, and our heroes are just fine.

So the moral of this story is that if you're making an evil army of Pokemon, make sure you don't create a good one by mistake, because it'll most likely end up ruining your plans in the end.

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, my brother Riolu and my cousin Mew and I are planning on making a Pecha Berry pie!

Oh yeah! Thanks again PokemonFreak90 for the Pecha Berry! My girlfriend really liked the pack of Pecha Berry Twizzlers I made her! Her master Luke says he's planning on having them sold in movie theaters!

* * *

**Thank You**

**_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this movie was amazing! Although the Mirage Pokemon thing was a little far fetched, it was still an exciting and action packed movie with excitement and drama, and the near death moments made it really suspenseful! _****('Z')**)


	5. Uh I don't know

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**Uh. . .I. . .don't. . .know. . .**_

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**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

Look out! A giant- _SPOILERS!_

__There's this giant robotic Tyranitar, and it's destroying this city, and a Krookodile and his trainer hit it with a really big gun.

The end!

Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

* * *

**Thank You**

* * *

****"Wait! Wait! Wait!" shouted Luke's Zorua as she ran in quickly.

(Gasp!) Oooh! Hi-hi-hi! Did you come to play!

"No! You reviewed the wrong movie!"

Huh? What do you?

"Grrr! Come on, honey. We need to talk. . ."

* * *

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**Uh. . .I. . . still don't know. . .**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life!

Look out! A giant- _SPOILERS!_

There's this island, called Pokemon Island, and it's called that because there are Pokemon on it!

And there's this special squad of defenders called the Unova Defense Force, and it's called that because they defend Unova!

And in the squad is a Pikachu, a Pignite, and Ash Ketchum! And-

_(Some whispers from of screen)_

Huh?

_(Whispering continued)_

OH! Okay! Ahem!

And in the squad is a Pikachu, a Pignite, and the Pokemon Knight that saved the Princess from Team Rock-

_(Whispering becomes louder and more agitated)_

Huh? What?

_(Whispering continued softer)_

Oooooooh! I get it now! Ahem!

And in the squad is a Pikachu, a Pignite, and the leader of the squad, who's also the pilot of their airship!

I was in an airship once!

I didn't enjoy it.

And there's this evil giant Tyranitar who's gona destroy Pokemon Island!

So they attack the giant Tyranitar, but it turns out to be a giant robot!

And it attacks the airship and it crashes.

And then, a UFO comes down, and an evil pirate comes out and-

_(There's is more angry whipsering)_

Okay, okay! I get it!

And then, a UFO comes down, and evil alien comes out!

And the alien is like, "I'm gonna use my giant robot to steal all the Pokemon on Pokemon Island!"

And the Squad leader is like, "Oh my gosh! I've got to get everyone evacuated!"

So he goes to the Princess and the Dragon Master-

"Oh my gosh! Can't you separate two different movies!? What's wrong with you!" Luke's Zorua shouts.

I'm. . .sorry. . .

(_Zorua starts whimpering)_

Luke's Zorua sighs and nuzzles him. "It's okay."

_(A few minutes later)_

Okay, I'm good!

So he goes to the two island priestesses, and he's like, "We gotta evacuate or the giant robot will kill us all!"

And the priestesses are like, "Oh we don't have to evacuate!. . . .we'll just sit around a Golurk statue and pray to it!"

And the squad leader is like, ". . .okay!"

But then the Tyranitar robot blows up the Golurk statue!

So then the robot attacks one of the priestesses, but then a Golett jumps in and takes the shot. . .and dies. . .

So then the priestesses cry, but then their tears bring Golett back to life and make him evolve into Golurk!

(Gasp!) Of course! Now I know what this movie is called! _Pokemon the First Movie! _Tears brought Golett back to life in that movie!

Oh wait, that was Ash.

WAIT A MINUTE. . .ASH IS A GOLETT?!

So then Golurk blows up the giant robot!

And the alien is like, "I'll be back!"

But then Golurk blows up his UFO and the alien dies.

You know! For kids!

And with the day saved, Golurk fixes the statue and turns. . .back into. . .Golett?

_(Zorua scratches his head)_

NO! Pokemon can't devolve! That's stupid! He saved the whole island, why would you take his evolution away from him!

And the movie ends with everyone staring at the Golurk statue, bot the Golett, cause it's not like he did anything important! Ha! What a looser!

This movie is definitely the greatest movie I've ever seen, because Mr. Gold, the owner of Pokestar Studios, gave it an award!

Hooray!

So I really loved _Zorua and the Pokemon Knight-_

_(Buzzer sound)_

_Pokemon the First Movie_?

_(Buzzer sound)_

_Destiny Deoxys?_

_(Buzzer sound)_

_Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice?_

_(Buzzer sound)_

Whatever!

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, I want send a Pecha berry covered with hot sauce to that jerk Jules! _It'll burn his tongue off. Hee-hee-hee!_

Oh yeah! Thanks LittleKing9512 for the Pecha berry! We finished our pie! We used jam for the inside and the fresh one on top!

* * *

**Thank You**

**_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this movie was pretty good! The villain was kinda pointless and just there "for the evulz." There were dramatic scenes, but the crying scene was kinda cliched and sappy. Also, why did Golurk change back in Golett at the end? Couldn't they just make another statue with him as the model? That's like taking Secret Sword away from Keldeo at the end of_ Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice_! Oh man, I wrote a lot. . . _****('Z')**)


	6. Best Wishes 50- Dazzling the Nimbasa Gym

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**Best Wishes 50- **__**Dazzling the Nimbasa Gym!**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest Pokemon episode I've ever seen in my life!

If it ain't broke, don't- _SPOILERS!_

So there this Gym Leader, named Elesa, and she's an electric type Gym Leader.

So Ash is like, "I'm not gonna use Pikachu!"

And Pikachu is like, "Wha-!?"

And I'm like, "Wha-!?"

What the heck!? Pikachu's the series mascot! That's like not playing as Mario in Super Smash Bros.!

. . .Actually, Mario kinda sucks in Smash Bros. Lucario's a lot better.

Hey! _Pikachu's _better in that game! See! That proves that you should use Pikachu!

So then Ash is like, "I'm gonna beat all of Elesa's Pokemon with just Palpitoad!"

. . . .

What is wrong with this guy?!

No one goes into a Gym battle with one Pokemon!

That's horse apples! I play Pokemon Black 2 all the time, I never win a Gym Battle with one Pokemon! No one does!

So Ash and his friends ride a roller coaster into the Gym!

And they're like, "Woooaaaaaaaah."

And then the rides over. It's kinda a waste.

So Elesa sends out Zebstrika, and Palpitoad defeats it!

And Ash is like, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"

I helped fix something that was broke once! It was a whole city!

But then Elesa sends out Emolga.

And I'm like, "I thought Emolga was Iris' Pokemon?"

And Emolga uses Attract on Palpitoad!

But Ash is like, "Electric attacks can't hurt him anyway!"

But Elesa is like, "Emolga knows flying type moves!"

And Emolga knocks out Palpitoad.

And Ash is like, "It's broke, I better fix it!"

And Elesa is like, "Since you only have one Pokemon, you should loose, but since you're the main character, a goody two shoe, and a failed Gary Stu, I'll let you break the rules and cheat!"

So Ash runs off and brings out Snivy!

And Snivy and Emolga use Attract on each other.

And Meema was like, "AH! HOMO!" And she covered my eyes.

. . .that was weird. . .

So the Attract doesn't work because they were both female!

But Ash is like, "Electric attacks can't hurt her anyway!"

But Elesa is like, "Emolga knows flying type moves!"

And Ash is like, ". . .this sucks. . ."

Meanwhile, Pikachu is turning into Dark Tsubasa from Beyblade Metal Masters!

(Deep, evil, scary voice)_ "I wanna battle! I will win!"_

__So Emolga defeats Snivy!

And Ash is like, "Oh no! Now I don't have anymore Pokemon. . .except for that Pikachu over there. . .but what am I supposed to do!"

So Pikachu does the most logical thing in this situation. . .Thunderbolt Ash!

FINALLY! Someone did something smart!

So Ash is like, ". . .oh yeah! Pikachu's the franchise mascot!"

So Pikachu defeats Emolga!

And Elesa is like, "Prepare to meet the Electric Queen!"

And Ash is like, "Uh-oh!"

And out comes Tynamo, a tiny little fishy!

I met a tiny little fishy once!

Oh wait, that was a tiny little_ bee_!

So Ash like, "Oh, that's no big deal."

And Tynamo knocks Pikachu into the wall! Just like the Looney Tunes!

Looney Tunes? I love the Looney Tunes!

(Sings to Merrie Melodies Theme Song) _Looney-looney, looney-looney, looney-loon tunes! __Looney-looney, looney-looney, looney-loon tunes! _

Then Tynamo smashes Pikachu into the ground!

She's playing Whack-a-Pikachu!

That's like Whack-a-Diglett, only with a Pikachu.

But then Pikachu gets out, and he's like, _stare._

__And Ash is like, "Okay, we can do that!"

Did Ash learn Telepathy?

I learned Telepathy once!

. . .I _still_ know Telepathy!

So Pikachu turns into Dark Tsubasa again, and starts blowing up the field!

So now Tynamo has to fly straight.

And Elesa is like, "Stop!"

But Tynamo is like, "Nope!"

And Tynamo flies towards Pikachu, but Pikachu is like, "Batter up!" and uses Iron Tail to knock Tynamo into a wall!

Beedee beedeee bee-t-th-that's all folks!

So Ash wins the Bolt Badge! Hooray!

So the moral of the story is that making strategies and thinking is bad! Don't think! Don't plan! Just trust you gut without giving any thoughts! Don't look! Just leap!

I looked without leaping once, and it worked out!

. . .sure, I fell down for miles off of a flying airship, but I survived and found some friends to help me. That's makes it worth it, right?

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, I want to send Snivy a Pecha Berry pudding along with a sympathy card! She was a throw away Pokemon!

Oh yeah! Thanks matt0044. I could hear Jules scream in pain when he put that spicy Pecha berry in his mouth! I covered it in concentrated Figgy Berry sauce! Zoey and Luke laughed so hard! (That's my nickname for Luke's Zorua. She's so cute. . .)

* * *

**Thank You**

**_(Zoroark here. I guess I overrracted during the Attract battle scene. Anyway, why was Ash so stupid? Strategies aren't bad, Ash just has a mental block regarding them for some reason. Weird. And why does Pikachu suddenly bring on a curb-stomp battle? A weird Gym Battle. Ash's foolishness is kinda distracting. . . _****('Z')**)


	7. Adventures in Unova 8-Lost at the League

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**Adventures in Unova 8- Lost at the League**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This was the _**WORST**_ Pokemon episode I've ever seen in my life!

I'm not even gonna do a spoiler joke this time!

So Ash is at the Unova league, and he just and an _EPIC_ battle with Trip.

And one writer was like, "Wow, that was too intense. We should put in a filler episode!"

And another writer was like, "Okay! How about another 'Axew Gets Lost' episode!"

So Axew sees a balloon, and he's "Pretty!" and runs after it!

Since when did Axew turn into Minka from Littlest Pet Shop?

But then a huge fan club for one of the Trainer in League comes, and an old lady kidnaps Axew!

_Don't help old ladies across they street! They will kidnap you!_

And Iris is like, "Oh my gosh! Axew is missing for the hundredth time!"

So Cilan is like, "Good thing I'm a detective!"

And Iris is like, "Shut-up, you suck."

And Cilan is like, "I'm depressed."

. . . .

That scene was weird.

I mean, come on, did it even serve a purpose!

So Axew gets separated from the old lady, and nice man gives him some soda!

. . .

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE A POKEMON SODA!

THAT'S LIKE GIVING STITCH COFFEE!

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT EPISODE!?

_(talks giberish in imitation of Stitch) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!_

But apparently, the soda is caffeine free. . .

So Bianca is like, "Hi Axew!"

But then the fan-club comes and takes him away.

And Bianca is like, "Duuuuhhhh, where'd he go?"

And the old lady gives Axew a big giant bowl of Pokemon food and berries.

Why is everyone giving him food?!

I spend my time reviewing stuff and all I get are Pecha Berries! What's up with that?

So Ash and the gang send out Pokemon to find Axew.

And Ash sends out Scraggy!

Sure, it's not like he has a Flying-type Pokemon that can get a bird's eye view!

. . .

Is it because Scraggy's his brother?

So then the show's like, "Who's that Pokemon!"

And it's not a Pokemon that was in the episode!

What the hey? How am I supposed to figure out who it is!

And then it's like, "It's Stoutland!"

And I'm like, "Stoutland wasn't in this episode!"

And then it shows Pikachu talking to a Stoutland.

You're not suppose to do the "Who's that Pokemon" before you show the Pokemon! Can't you do anything right?!

So Pikachu's like, "Do you know where Axew is? You're today's featured Pokemon, you must know something!"

And Stoutland's like, "Whatever."

So then we see a nice woman giving a box of apples to a Garbordor and his three little Trubishes! He's a single parent!

_I_ was the son of a single parent once!

But then Meema mated with Papa Lucario!

But then Oshowatt sees the fruit and eats it all up!

What's with all the food in this story?! It's making me hungry just watching it!

So Axew eats and runs, and is found by the search party.

And Pikachu gives him a big hug. . .because, even though Scraggy's his brother and it would make more sense for him to hug Axew.

But then the Garbordor and the Trubishes follow them.

And the Trubishes are like, "They stole our food Daddy!"

And Garbordor is like, "I'm gonna kill you!"

And Emolga is like, "I'm gonna be a huge hypocrite and glare at you for eating too many apples."

And Pikachu is like, "Hmmm, I beat a Garbordor at the Electirc Gym, so I'll just make no attempt at attacking even though I have a small army behind me!"

So meanwhile, all the humans are doing stuff.

Cameron and Riolu are trying to put up a tent.

Stephan is spending 10 hours in a sauna.

And Bianca has discovered that Eevee loves Casteila Cones!

I mean it, she loves Casteila Cones!

Eevee's like, "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH A Casteila Cone!"

So the humans finally arrive at the scene.

and Virgil is like, "Don't worry! I'll just us mind control to solve this! Orwellian dude!"

And he uses a Soothe Bell to calm the garbage Pokemon down.

But it's okay, because our heroes give them 20 thousands tons of food!

. . .apparently, food makes everything better!

So we end with a montage of everyone watching the fire works. . .and the beginning of the Stephan vs Ash battle!

The end!

So the moral of this story is that food makes the world go round.

Oh yeah, and old ladies are kidnappers! Stay away from them! Especially if they offer food!

What a rip off episode!

If I wanna see food, I'll go to a supermarket! And I thought this was the Unova League! I wanna see battles! Not Axew getting lost all the time!

And the guy who the fan club isn't even important! The heroes never even meet him in the next episodes!

And what's funny about a tent getting run over?!

And what's with all the food!?

And what happened to the balloon!

I hope I never have to sit through another filler episode again!

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got a big giant bowl of Pokemon food and berries! PLEASE! I'd really like a big giant bowl of Pokemon food and berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, they gave Axew one, and I'm way stronger than he is!

Oh yeah! Thanks Draph91 and Subuku no Jess! Snivy loved the Pecha Berry pudding, and the handmade card I made really touched her! Maybe she'll stop being so cold and uptight now. Anyway, she plans on making sure that she's never a throw away Pokemon every again! Whatever that meant. . .

* * *

**Thank You**

**_(Zoroark here. Seriously, A FILLER EPISODE! DURING THE UNOVA LEAGUE! AND IT'S AN AXEW GETS LOST ONE! The community hated this one. They could of had him fight or evolve or something! This was so pointless! It introduced that other Trainer, but we don't really see him again much, so that was a waste. THIS EPISODE WAS A WASTE! They could've used this to extend the other battles, but no. . . ___****('Z')**)


	8. Keldeo's Review of Pokemon World Tour

_And now, Zorua son of Zoroark would wish to respond to Keldeo the Critic's review of __**Pokemon World Tournament**__ by AuraWielder._

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

_(Zorua has a hurt look in his eyes)_

. . .I am not angry. . .I am just. . .disappointed.

There was a comment. . .many of you read in that review.

A joke that most likely the majority of you just. . .sort of missed, didn't think at all about.

But some of us found very, very offensive!

Certain Legendary Pokemon have gotten in on this controversy.

They found it immoral and not funny.

There is no doubt it is tearing the Unova Region apart. Where do we draw the line in bad taste?

_(Zorua nodded) _

That's right. . . .

KELDEO THE CRITIC INSULTED MY REVIEW METHODS!

Here's the line Keldeo the Critic said in his Pokemon World Tournament review the other day!

* * *

_Published on July 21st, 2013_

So after the demon is killed, Rayquaza stops the tidal wave, Kyogre is turned into a Magikarp by Arceus as punishment, and Rayquaza becomes Giritana's slave because Giratana proved that Kyogre was lying and not him and know Rayquaza has to wear a maid's outfit and back a cake for Giratana and Arceus- ___oh my gosh-oh my gosh- I'm going insane- why am I reading this story and reviewing it **like one of Zorua's ridiculous reviews that go all over the place-**_

* * *

_(Zorua stared off into space in shock)_

. . .Shocking! Absolutely shocking! I mean, I can understand you insulting and nitpicking and complaining about other people's Fanfiction - they're authors that expect others to read and critique their work with extreme prejudice! But ME?

_(Zorua's lip trembled and he gave the "puppy dog eyes" look.)_

I'm just a little kid! And I've had some rotten luck recently!

KawaiiJoltic gave me a deed to a Pecha Berry orchard, but I had to give it away because it turns out its against the law for Pokemon to own property! I never got to eat a single Pecha Berry!

And light said he'd send me a whoooooole lot a food, but it turns out the modified Pokeball transfer system Matthais gave me can't handle that large of a delivery! Plus, it turns out offers from guest reviewers won't work due to security reasons!

And now you're doing this to me, Keldeo the Critic?

Have you no decency? Have you no shame?!

This joke has gotten so many people upset that certain Legendary Pokemon have already voiced their opinion!

In fact, the other Swords of Justice are upset with Keldeo about this. This is what thye had to say about it!

* * *

_(Clips from "Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice" are now played. They were clearly sloppily and hastily edited together.)_

_Virizion:_ *_gasp_*(EDIT)_Keldeo has given in_(EDIT).

_Terrakion: I can't stand and do nothing!_

_Virizion: Keldeo_(EDIT)_You must think for yourself._

_Coballion: You're reckless_(EDIT)_now is the time to learn Keldeo._

* * *

You said it, Swords of Justice!

This is an outrage!

Because of this, I have decided to hire an attorney!

That's right! I hired an attorney!

He has decided to work for _free_ because he has always wanted to sue a Pokemon!

This is my attorney Mr. Cilan, and he has quite a few things to say to the Keldeo the Critic!

_(Cilan walked in wearing a green suit)_

_Whenever there is a legal dispute, a hate crime, a civil rights issue, a fraud, or any injustice, I am here to make sure everything is set right through due process of law! IT'S LAWYER TIME!_

Mr. Cilan, Keldeo the Critic thinks that he has done absolutely nothing illegal. What do you say about that?

_Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37-B of the Unova Region Say No To Insults Act of 1976, **signed by** **them,** it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF, and you can read it in this photostatic copy, "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, etc etc., facts, mentus, incedium, voyet cultum, etc etc., memo, beast, boonitar, dala cultum!" It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! **YOU **stole Fizzy Lifting drinks. You-_

Ah, no no no. Actually, he insulted my reviews.

_Oh. Ah, I mean, you insulted this Pokemon's reviews! You Sucker Punched his comedic style, which has to be sterilized and washed! So, you get nothing! YOU LOOSE! Good day, sir!_

Well, that all sounds very impressive!

Yes! But nowhere near as impressive as our settlement will be. For if the courts rule in our favor, and they will, then we shall receive. . .a BOX OF PECHA BERRIES!

_(Zorua nods in agreement, but Cilan blinks and looks at the document he's holding)_

_ ...Wait, what? That's it? All of this legal posturing for...a box of Pecha Berries?_

Ah, no no no no no. A _giant_ box of Pecha Berries.

_(Cilan stare at Zorua for a long time, then he turned on his heel and walked away)_

_ ...I'm outta here. _

_(Zorua gasped and called out after Cilan)_

No, wait! This affects us all! What about-?

_Good day, sir!_

But wait!

_I said good DAY! _

_(Zorua whimpered and hung his head. He sighed and looked up)_

...Well, um, I guess I'm going to be looking for another new attorney, so all I have to say to Keldeo the Critic is...

_(Zorua jumped up happily and his tail wagged rapidly)_

You really know who I am? That's so cool! You read my reviews all the time? I just, I feel so honored! I mean, I-I...

_(Zorua suddenly realized what he was saying and turned sour again.)_

I will have my box of Pecha Berries.

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Justice! PLEASE! I really like Justice! Come on, help a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

* * *

_**Thank You**_

_(Zoroark here. Well, my adorable little baby can sure get a little dramatic. Don't mind him, I'm sure he'll let it go eventually.** ('Z')**)_


	9. Season One 45- The Song of Jigglypuff

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**Pokenon 50- The Song of Jigglypuff**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest Pokemon episode I've ever seen in my life!

_Jiiiig- Jig-l-ly- _SPOILERS!

There's this town, called Neon Town, and everybody in the town is mean!

A random guy that Ash bumps into is mean.

The guy is like, "Apologize!"

And Ash is like, "No, I won't, even though you're bigger than me and could easily beat me up if you wanted to."

But then Officer Jenny breaks it up.

But even Officer Jenny is mean!

Wait, if she's the bad cop then where's the good cop?

Anyway, the people in the town are so mean that they even beat up Jessie and James!

I mean it, they beat up Jessie and James!

Some guy is like, "I'm going to punch your head!"

And James is like, "AHHH!"

And a fat lady is like, "I'm gonna spank you!"

And Jessie is like, "AHHH!"

But then Misty sees a Jigglypuff, and Misty is like, "I'm gonna catch it!"

But Brock is like, "I don't think it knows how to sing."

So Misty is like, "Then I'll teach it to sing!"

But Team Rocket is like, "We can use that Jigglypuff to but everyone in the town to sleep!"

So they sing a brand new motto!

_We hope to capture Pikachu, We hope to do it soon_  
_And when we do, we'll be the new_  
_Stars of this..._  
_Cartooooon!_

But Misty is like, "Staryu, use Water Gun."

SPLASH!

"We're blasting off again!"

DING!

So Misty puts air into Jigglypuff . . .which is kinda weird. . .and Brock gives Jigglypuff a special berry, and Jigglypuff can sing!

I sung a song once!

Actually, it was howling, does that count?

Anyway, Jigglypuff is like, "I'm so happy I could kick Pikachu!"

And Pikachu's like, "OW!"

But Team Rocket has a tape recorder to record Jigglypuff!

So Jigglypuff's singing puts everyone to sleep, and Jigglypuff is like, "Why is everyone alseep! It's not like Singing is a move that gives whoever hears it the status ailment of sleep!"

So she draws on all their faces.

I drew on someone's face once!

Luke's Leavanny was so mad at me! But it made Zoey laugh, so it was worth it!

So Misty is like, "She can sing to Psyduck, he's too stupid to fall asleep."

But then Psyduck falls asleep with his eyes open!

So Team Rocket wake up, and their snoring drowned out the singing on the tape recorder.

But then Brock decides Jigglypuff should perform in Neon Town.

He's like, "It's not like a trio of evil villains will sneak in and steal everyone's Pokemon while they're asleep!"

So Team Rocket disguises themselves as rock stars and are like, "Yo, dude! You can use our stage, dude!"

So Jigglypuff starts singing, and Team Rocket is like, "Did we plug our ears properly?"

BUMP! SNORE!

So EVERYONE in the town falls asleep! So Jigglypuff draws on EVERYONE'S faces.

But when everyone wakes up. . .

They're all happy!

Even the grumpy guy from the beginging is happy!

Even Team Rocket is happy!

So our heroes leaf Neon Town and continue there journey.

But then Jigglypuff follows them!

To be continued.

So the moral of this story is that if you meet a grumpy person, just make them go to sleep and draw on their face with a marker, and they'll be much happier when they wake up.

This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Pecha Berries! PLEASE! I really like Pecha Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?

Come on, I want to use them to bribe Jigglypuff into teaching me how to sing!

Oh yeah! Thanks KawaiiJoltic. Those 97 Pecha Berries were delicious. Me and Meema were stuffed and full and happy after that feast!

* * *

_**Thank you**_

_(Zoroark here. Seriously, this episode was weird. Shouldn't they know that Sing is a move that puts whoever hears it to sleep? Everyone was so stupid in Season One. The highlight of this episode was Team Rocket's song. The whole episode was kinda boring compared to Black and White.**('Z')**)_


	10. Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Team Go-Getters

_And now it's time for __**Zorua Reviews **__with Zorua- son of Zoroark._

_Tonight's Review: __**The Legend of the Pokemon Knight**_

* * *

**_(Third Person POV this time)_**

"OH MY GOSH! This is the greatest Pokemon Special I've ever seen in my life!" Zorua shouted excitedly.

He stood smiling for a minute, then he noded hard and said, "No, seriously, it's the greatest Pokemon Special I've ever seen in my life."

Zorua smile faded and he sighed.

"Meema!" he called out.

Zoroark walked in and said, "Yes, Zorua."

"Is this the greatest Pokemon Special ever?" Zorua asked.

Zoroark smiled and said, "Of coruse it is!" Zoroark then turned and became all excited and said, "And hey! You readers out there, you really have to know this is probably one of the greatest Pokemon Specials ever. It's just unbelievable. It's just a miracle of a anime! It's just like all this stuff comes together, and it's funny, it's action-packed- oh my gosh! It's just... O-Okay," Zoroark took a deep breath and let out. She smiled and said, "You have to assure me that you're gonna see it, okay? It's just- Promise me. Make me that promise. Okay? Good."

Zoroark turned to leave, but then Zorua called out to her, "Hey, Meema! Wanna review it with me?"

Zoroark faced Zorua and opened her arms, "I'd love to, my darling boy!"

Zorua cheered and jumped into his mother's warm embrace. Zoroark nuzzled her child lovingly.

* * *

"Rescue Team SPOILERS!" Zorua shouted.

Zorua began, "There's this boy, who's asleep, and a Charmander finds him."

Zoroark says, "And the Charmander says, 'are you okay?'"

Zorua says, "And the boy is like: 'oh my gosh a talking Charmander!'"

Zoroark adds, "And the Charmander is confused, because the boy happens to be a Pokemon, a Squirtle to be precise."

Zorua shouts, "And the Squirtle is like, 'oh my gosh, I'm a Pokemon!'"

Zoroark smiled and said, "Then we get to see a Pokemon Rescue Team Base. Squirtle seems to like it, and even goes swimming in the pool. He even uses the move Bubble and admires how beautiful the bubbles look. Then Charmander enters with a Chikorita."

Zorua cuts in and says, "And Squirtle's like, 'I'm a human!' But they're like, 'Yeah right.' And they're like, 'you should join Rescue Team Go-Getters! Put on this badge!' and he's like, 'say what?' And then, EARTHQUAKE! Boom-boom! Boom-boom-boom! Boom!"

"They explain that rescue teams are needed due to these mysterious earthquakes," Zoroark explained.

"Meanwhile, a little Pichu is like, 'Boo-hoo! My big brother's in trouble!' So Team Go-Getters is like 'We'll save him!' But the EVIL Ekans, Medicham, and Gengar of Team Meanies are like, 'We'll save him!' But the Whiskash Elder is like, 'both of you can save him!'"

"So they go to the the Kecleon Brothers' shop for supplies, but Team Meanies has cleaned the place out. Also, Ekans eats all but 2 of Team Go-Getters berries!" Zoroark explains.

"I ate a whole lotta berries once!" Zorua declared proudly, but then frowned, "Ugh, and I got a tummy ache."

"I told you not be a little glutton," Zoroark said with a chuckle.

"Yes, Meema. Anyway, Aunty Kangaskhan comes and says, 'Here! Take all of this stuff instead' and she gives them each their own Pecha Scarves, and a bag of Corsola twigs."

"So they go into Sinister Cave, and it turns out Pichu followed Team Meanies there to save his brother," Zoroark explained, "But then Gengar trapped him behind a rock!"

"So then they find a group of Shroomish, but Squirtle wakes them up! But Charmander is like, 'Ember'! But he uses Flamethrower instead! And Squirtle is like, 'You leveled up!'"

"Wait a minuted," Zoroark said, "Leveling up as a term doesn't exist in the Pokemon world, so that means this human is from the real world that has the games! Fascinating! Oh yes, and the Pecha Scarves protect them from the Poison Powder."

"But then an EVIL Skarmony comes and captures Pichu, and it turns out he captured big borther Pikachu too! Oh my gosh! Skarmony works for Team Rocket!"

"So at the bottom of Skarmony's mountain, they find Team Meanies, who were defeated by Skarmony," Zoroark explained, "So our heroes decide to share their Oran Berry with them, showing kindness to them. Gengar refuses at first, but then Squirtle explains how they're all Pokémon, and therefore like brothers who must be helped when needed. Gengar is otuched and accepts and eats his piece of Oran Berry. So as far as we know, this villains have undergone a change of heart."

"Awesome!" Zorua cheered, "So now we have the final showdown with Skarmony! And they're like, 'there's only one thing to do. . .throw twigs at him!' So they get ready to use the Corsola Twigs at Skarmony. Also, Pikachu kicks a Quick Seed into Squirtle's mouth, and Squirtle's like _woosh-woosh-woosh! _And hits Skarmony with his twig! POW!"

"And then," Zoroark said excitedly, "Team Go-Getters do they're own interpretation of Pokemon Trainer's Final Smash in Super Smash Bros. Brawl! It's a Triple Finish of Razor Leaf, Flamethrower, and Water Gun!"

"AWESOME!" Zorua cheered.

"So Pikachu and Pichu are saved."

"I saved a Pikachu once!" Zorua declared.

"Actually, Pikachu and Ash saved us," Zoroark corrected.

"Oh right. . ."

"And when Skarmony wakes up, it turns out he has amnesia and can't remember what just happened. . .just like a certain other Pokemon Mystery Dungeon villain. . ."

"And so Squirtle decides to stay with his new friends as long as he's a Pokemon! The End!" Zorua said.

"This was such a fun story! And no humans! And Pokemon we can understand besides that annoying Meowth! I wish we could see more of this!" Zoroark said.

"Hey! Imagine an entire feature length movie like this! Oh! They could do a movie for Gates to Infinity! Imagine the EVIL Bittercold on the big screen!" Zorua said excitedly.

Zoroark smiled and shuddered, "Ooh. . .it gives me chills just thinking about it."

"This Special was truly awesome! If they made a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon movie, or even a spin-off show, I'd definitely watch it no matter what!" Zorua said.

"Absolutely," Zoroark added.

"This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any _Oran_ Berries! PLEASE! I really need some _Oran_ Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please? Come on, how are me an Meema gonna form a Rescue Team without Oran Berries?"

Zoroark blinked, "Wait, what?"

"Ooh! and thanks DragonNiro! Jigglypuff loved those Pecha Berries! She gave me a whole bunch of singing lessons, I mean howling lessons!"

"She certainly did," Zoroark sighed.

"Also, DragonNiro, you _did_ spell it wrong. It's 'Meema', not 'Mema,' there's a double 'e' _short_-_e_ sound in it."

* * *

_**Thank you.**_

_(Zoroark here. Seriously, you have to see this! It's pure Pokemon action, fun, heart, cuteness, friendship, adventure, OH! I wish this were a full movie or spin-off show! **('Z')**)_


	11. Keldeo's Editorial of Zorua Reviews

_And now, Zorua son of Zoroark would wish to respond to Keldeo the Critic's editorial concerning __**Zorua Reviews.**_

* * *

**_Zorua's POV (First Person)_**

_(Zorua appears to be very angry)_

I'm Zorua, and that Keldeo the Critic-

* * *

_I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!_

* * *

-has been really mean to me lately-

* * *

_I have a bone to pick with a certain little Zorua._

* * *

So here's my big comeback to you, Keldeo the Critic!

. . .

You're stinky.

_(Zorua then threw a Pecha Berry at the screen)_

Yeah! I got Pecha Berries! And I'm not afraid to use 'em!

Now, you might be thinking, "Aww! Is that his comeback? Is that all he's got?"

. . .well no. . .

. . .I got more. . .

_(Zorua smirked and said)_

You're a background pony!

_(Zorua threw another Pecha Berry at the screen)_

You want me to spell it out for ya?

_(Zorua transformed into a Loudred and started shouting at the top of his lungs)_

YOU'RE A BACKGROUND PONY!

* * *

_Zorua is petty,_

* * *

-MY LITTLE PONY!

* * *

_-over dramatic,_

* * *

-SEAPONY!

* * *

_-and a cry baby!_

* * *

-SOMBRA CLONE!

* * *

_-little punk-_

* * *

-BIG HORNED!

* * *

_-little con artist!_

* * *

-RARITY SLAVE!

_(Zorua then transformed back into his normal self)_

But I really like how you figured out my little joke I did before. . .

* * *

_That little punk took scenes from my movie, and cut and pasted them together to make it look like the Swords of Justice were mad at me._

* * *

Well, you were close. You see since Zoey and her trainer Luke are in the movie business, I actually got the footage through them and they helped me edit it all together.

* * *

_I'm a Sword of Justice! How can you get so worked up over a single comment? It's beyond me!_

_And plus, he insulted my reviews too!_

_Well, Zorua son of Zoroark, I propose a challenge! I dare you to review a Fanfiction! Choose anyone you want! It can be of your own choosing, or maybe someone can suggest one for you to read in a comment! Then we'll see who's the better reviewer, and everyone will see that I was right about you!_

_Go on! I dare you, Zorua! I dare you!_

* * *

_(Zorua shrugged)_

Yeah, I guess we both insulted each others review, so we're pretty even. So in that case, if you're gonna challenge me to review a Fanfic, then I'm gonna challenge _you_ to review a movie! Go on! _I - dare - you!_

Oh yeah, and my first review was published before yours, so _In - Your - FACE!_

No matter how many reviews you write, or even if you show up on Youtube or Blogger, I am the greatest Pokemon reviewer!

_(Zorua then turned into Kyurem and did a scary laugh.)_

* * *

_AHHHHHHH!_

_Okay, seriously! What is with this guy! He's terrifying!_

* * *

_**Thank You**_

_(Zoroark here. I'm just going to let him have his fun. I'm sure Keldeo doesn't mind playing along **('Z')**)_

**Credits**

**_Keldeo the Critic_**

-Editorial 4- Zorua Reviews

-Chapter 18: Breaking the Chains- Chapters 5 to 8

_**The Angry Video Game Nerd vs The Nostalgia Critic**_

**pokemans pink: the end- _by *CSImadmax_**


	12. Keldeo's Tear of Courage

_**BOOOOM!**_

A huge fiery explosion went off, and Zorua dramatically stepped out of it and smirked as epic guitar music played. He jumped and used Scratch.

_The review must go on!_

Zorua used Scratch on a video screen with Grings Kodai's face on it.

_The review must go on!_

The screen exploded and Zorua snickered.

_The review must go on!_

_Just cause it's gotta go on!_

_So we can sing this song!_

Zorua transformed into a Tangrowth and lashed out with Vine Whip.

_The review must go on!_

There was another explosion, and Zorua stood proudly and smiled while wagging his tail.

**Zorua the Critic-**_**Keldeo's Tear of Courage by**_**_ Jealous Of Kagome_**

**(Zorua's point of view of course)**

_(Keldeo stood with a goofy grin on his face, and his eyes were derped. He spook with a nerdy sounding voice)_

It's me! Keldeo The nerdy Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not reenacting episodes of _G3 My Little Pony_ with the other Swords of Justice!

_(Keldeo snickered, then he fipped over and turned back into Zorua)_

Ha! Fooled ya, didn't I? This is a special review for Keldeo the Critic!

* * *

_Well, Zorua son of Zoroark, I propose a challenge! I dare you to review a Fanfiction!_

* * *

_ I'm gonna review __"Zoroark: Master of Illusions"! _

* * *

_(Zorua frowned)_

Ya know, that guy's annoying! I have better things to do! Like. . .

_(Zorua put on a thinking pose, scratching his little chin)_

Like. . .practicing impressions with my Illusions. . .

_(Zorua smiled widely and nodded his head quickly)_

Yeah, I've got Ash, Brock, and Dawn down so far.

Well anyway we got a deal going on here.

He reviews a movie, and I review a fanfic.

He did a movie about me, so I'm gonna do a fanfic about him!

_Keldeo's Tear of Courage _by Jealous of Kagome.

. . . .

_(Zorua cocked his head to the side)_

What?

Never heard of it?

Well, the only reason I heard of it was because I was looking on Fanfic. net, and I was going through the filter, and I selected Keldeo in the character section cause I wanted to get one with him in it.

And then I clicked on it, and I read it, and. . .

_(Zorua let out looooooooong whistle with a nervous expression on his face)_

* * *

_**Keldeo's Tear of Courage**_

_Author: Jealous Of Kagome  
_

___THE MYTHICAL POKEMON KELDEO_

* * *

Huh? Where's the summary?

Why didn't the author write the summary?

* * *

_One day deep in Eterna Forest, Lived a happy family of Legendary Pokemon. The mother was Virizion, the father was Cobalion, the uncle was Terrakion, and last but not least, there was the only son, Keldeo._

* * *

Huh? Keldeo's isn't their son! They're not related!

I thought Keldeo's family died in a fire and the Swords of Justice adopted him?

_I _was adopted once!

Um, of course it was only once. You only get adopted once. . .unless. . .ooh, I don't wanna think about it. . .

* * *

_One day he went training with Uncle Terrakion. It was fun, but only for Keldeo. Keldeo thought everything was fun even though some things were supposed to be serious, like his training. When Terrakion learned that Keldeo wasn't getting stronger, Terrakion was mad. He Informed Cobalion and Virizion, Keldeo's parents, who also were not happy. Cobalion and Virizion then discussed the matter with Keldeo. Keldeo was quite embarrassed about it so he tried to focus on everything but he couldn't make it happen._

_He got in big trouble and was forced to go to his tree which is his bedroom._

* * *

Huh? Why are they mad? Why did they punish him? Cause he didn't get stronger?

I guess he was goofing off and being lazy, but the story doesn't explain it!

But it says he tries to focus, so he's trying! So why is he in trouble? Is he just hopeless?

And he lives in a tree? What is he, a Pidove? A Beedril? I don't know!

* * *

_Later that night he ran away to live elsewhere and leave his family behind because he felt like he would never be able to ever focus on anything except having fun and not working. About two hours later he found a family of Patrat and Wachog. They were nice to him in the beginning but after two weeks the younger Patrat started to tease him because he was different. He then ran away again._

* * *

_(Zorua blinks with wide eyes)_

Wait, so meets some Patrats and decides to just live with him?

Was this some kind of parody of that _Stellaluna_ story with the bat that lives with the birds?

_I_ heard the _Stellaluna _story once! Meema told it to me! It was a really nice bedtime story. . .

And it was better than this! Mostly because it wasn't 4 sentences long!

And how come we don't have any dialogue? Or descriptions?

And wait a minute, _two weeks!?_

We just skipped through two weeks in one paragraph?

Oh come on!

Why can't we see what happens? Does Keldeo protect them? Is Keldeo adopted by them, or does he just live with them? Where does he sleep? He's a lot bigger then Patrats!

* * *

_Back at his original home his parents were getting very worried about were he was. They sent out their friends from the unfeasent sky patrol to search for their lost son. The patrol searched for hours but found no trace of him anywhere because they didn't search from the ground, only the sky._

* * *

The Swords of Justice have a sky patrol? Since when?

Oh boy, Kyurem's Cryogonal army better watch out, they got competition!

Someone better tell Cryogonal the Critic about this.

And shouldn't we get an actual scene where they talk about how worried they are?

Where are the details! It's just all glanced over with no explanations! It's just like-

_(Zorua's eyes widened)_

one of my reviews. . . .

. . . .

Uh, moving on!

* * *

_Keldeo was lucky that he found a cave in time because about 3 hours later it started pouring. He was so grateful that he found that cave. Cobalion and Virizion were so worried about Keldeo. The three legendaries went to 3 different locations. Terrakion went to Victory Road, Cobalion went to Challenger's Cave, and Virizion went to Pinwheel Forest to look for Keldeo. What they didn't know is that Keldeo wasn't in any of those places. He was someplace he didn't even know where it was. It wasn't even Unova. _

* * *

Huh? He's not in Unova? I thought he was hiding in a cave somewhere?

And where is he? Sinnoh? Kanto? _The Reverse World?_

_(Zorua threw up his paws in resignation)_

I don't know! I have no idea!

* * *

_Because the three legendaries were looking so long, trainers stumbled across them and attempted to capture them. One young trainer named Alex was able to capture all three of them using only her Samurott._

_Alex was so happy until she thought the three legendary pokemon she caught looked a little depressed. She got her boyfriend N to teach her how to talk with pokemon early in their relationship. She asked the legendary pokemon why they looked depressed. Cobalion was the one to answer. He said, "We were looking for our missing son when you caught us." Alex then asked why there were three of them. Cobalion explained that Terrakion was the uncle. Alex felt so bad about that. She was almost wanting to release them. Team Plasma has always been spying on Alex since she got it a relationship with N._

* * *

_(Zorua looks visibly shocked and stares off into space for a while. Then he breaks down and starts crying and sobbing into his front paws.)_

*_sob* _I don't know what's going on!

*_sob* _I'm so confused! It's just all going too fast!

How does a Samurott defeat *_sob*_ all of the Swords of Justice by himself?

How could he even defeat Virizion by himself? *_sob*_ She's a Grass-type! She has a type advantage over him!

And Alex is a boy's name! It's short for Alexander! Alexa or Alexia is a girl's name! Why isn't she called that? *_sob*_

And how could she possibly be N's boyfriend? *_sob*_ What about those two other girls that hang around N?

And N can't teach people how to talk to Pokemon! It can't be taught! It's N's special ability!

That's it, that's it! I need a break! I'll come back later!

**We'll be right back!**

* * *

_Dramatic Skit 1_

Lucario and Zoroark lay together in their cave. Zoroark smiled and nuzzled her mate on his cheek. Lucario chuckled softly and licked her cheek. The two sat up, and they leaned in close to each other to exchange nuzzles and licks. Lucario wrapped his left arm around her slender waist and tickled her under the chin with his right paw. Zoroark chuckled as she wrapped both her arms around Lucario's waist. The mates gaze in each other's eyes and smile endearingly. The two of them then lean in to kiss each other. . . .

However, at the last possible moment, Lucario turned in the direction of the Fourth Wall.

Lucario gasped, which caused Zoroark to turn and gasp as well.

The two of them quickly threw themselves flat on the ground. Lucario's tail and the top of Zoroark's mane could still be seen as the two of them crawl there way to an Exit Stage Right.

* * *

_The review must go on!_

Zorua stood proudly and smiled while wagging his tail.

**Zorua the Critic-**_**Keldeo's Tear of Courage by**_**_ Jealous Of Kagome_**

**(Zorua's point of view of course)**

Okay, I _seriously_ don't know what's going on in this story, it just blows my mind.

I'm guessing Alex is one of those Mary Sues or Self Inserts, I don't know.

But let's continue anyway.

* * *

_Zinzolin was watching the spy-cams he set up and heard about all four legendaries. He was then determined to capture all four of them. He sent the shadow triad to obtain the three that Alex had. Alex had the feeling she was being watched that night. Once she feel asleep, the shadow triad made themselves visible. They soon and slowly made their way to her bag. They took out the three legendary's pokeballs. Then disappeared again._

_She woke up next morning and was freaking out because the three pokemon she was going to help were gone! She looked everywhere for them, but to no prevail. The shadow triad returned to Zinzolin with the pokeballs. Zinzolin was very pleased._

* * *

Wow, worst main character ever. How do you loose Legendary Pokemon that easily!

* * *

_ While he was thinking how to get Keldeo, Alex was thinking the same thing. She finally talked about it with N. He told her to have courage, faith, and bravery. She had no idea what it meant. She still tried it though._

* * *

Wow, she's really stupid. Is she blonde?

How do you not know what courage, faith, and bravery is?

And are actual lines of dialogue where the characters display emotions and mannerisms too much to ask for?!

* * *

_She was about to give up when she went to a pokemon center and saw a mail man. She decided to talk to him. He asked if she was Alex and she said yes. He then gave her a large box. Alex was so confused why in was so big._

* * *

Ooooh! A big box!

_I _got a big box once!

Oh wait, I didn't. I _would've_ if Cilan had helped me with that lawsuit!

Ooooh! But I wonder what it's in the box! Maybe it's a bomb from Team Plasma! Maybe it's a super robot! Maybe it's a trick form Team Rocket! Or maybe-

* * *

_She found a Braviary outside in the woods and asked it for help with her giant package. The large bird pokemon agreed to help her. It grabbed the box with it's large claws and she climbed on it's back. She then told it where to go and it flew there really fast. Once she got there she thanked the pokemon and it left._

* * *

Huh? Why is she flying the box far away? Where are they even going? Are you gonna tell me anything!

Come on! Someone help me out!

* * *

_She went inside with the box and opened it to find a creature which looked like a blue ponyta with red hair on it's head and a horn. It jumped out and started asking questions. Alex calmed the pokemon down. It turns out that the pokemon in the box was Keldeo. She was so happy she found it. Then got sad again knowing she lost the three others._

* * *

_(Zorua's eyes were wide in disbelief)_

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-!?

Why is Keldeo in that package? I thought he ran away to someplace outside of Unova?

Did someone put him in the box? Why?

Did he know that Alex had the other Swords of Justice? How did he find that out?

How did he know who Alex was or where she'd be?

Maybe if we knew where Keldeo and went and who he met and how he got packed in a box this would make sense, but we never find any of that out!

How did Keldeo even breathe in there?

This story makes no sense! It's like someone wrote a story a cut random parts out of it!

_(Zorua became angry and growled)_

Does the author think we're stupid? 'Cause this story treats you like an idiot!

Well I'm not stupid! 'Cause if I was, then how did I outsmart Kodai!

_(Zorua opened his mouth and pointed to one of his fangs and talked with his mouth still open)_

'ee! 'hat one! It wen' 'igh' 'rough his Illusion 'anceler!

* * *

_Zinzolin was furious that she found the fourth pokemon before him. Alex asked N if he could help her find the other three pokemon. He said he might know where they are. Team Plasma's Castle which after 2 years has changed into a flying ship with an ice cannon. Alex hated the thought, but, she knew they had to be there once he said that. N helped her sneak into the castle._

* * *

No! The Castle stayed underground, and Team Plasma built a flying ship with an ice cannon powered by Kyurem! I know!

_I_ played Pokemon Black 2 once!

Why can't _I_ catch Keldeo?

* * *

_Before they left, Alex told Keldeo to get inside a pokeball. Keldeo didn't trust her at first but soon gave in. As they were walking down a long hallway they soon saw a door. They went through the door but as soon as they did, they realized it was a trap. Alex and N were put in a cage. As soon as that happened, Alex took out Keldeo's shrunken pokeball and threw it down the hallway and wished it good luck._

_Once Keldeo felt the pokeball stop moving, he got out. He was exploring around when he heard wails of pain and sorrow. He followed the sound and came upon an electrical cage which held his family. He ran at the cage and got electrocuted on contact._

* * *

Now you're ripping of _my_ movie! Come on!

* * *

_He kept trying until he couldn't bear it anymore. He gave up. Cobalion, Virizion, and Terrakion told him to concentrate and attack with his horn. He tried and got electrocuted again. They said to forget anger, sorrow, fear, and to just concentrate on wonder, grace, and love._

* * *

Don't you mean courage, faith, and bravery?

* * *

_ He did but apparently not enough. He got shocked again and again to no chance of beating this cage._

_The last time he tried was the worst pain ever. He stayed on the ground where he got thrown. He started to cry, saying he was sorry, he shouldn't have ever run away. He just lied there and gave up. His family was trapped, his new best friend had gotten caught, and look at him, he is almost dead. All because he ran away for having fun._

* * *

I'm pretty sure Keldeo isn't _that _weak. Almost dead? Already?

* * *

_He thought his life was over. He cried one last tear and realized, if he hadn't run away, he wouldn't have made a new friend, he wouldn't had as much fun as he did on his adventure, he realized he gained Courage. That tear made him see why he did all those things._

* * *

Okay, but what about faith, bravery, wonder, grace, and love?

And how does the tear help him! It's just a tear? What is this, _Felix the Cat the Movie?_

* * *

_He got up and tried again while just letting one tear escape his eye. As that tear left his eye, he started to change. When he was done changing He apparently had changed form. He also found out he had finally learned secret sword._

_He used secret sword on the cage, and because he changed forms in was super effective. One hit shattered the cage. Virizion explained that this was his Resolute Form. It made him stronger He told his family he had to save Alex. They understood and let him._

* * *

_(Zorua shook his head rapidly and opened and closed his eyes)_

_**WHAT? **_

So he cries and suddenly gets all this power? How does crying unlock super powers?

Keldeo got powerful when he faced his fears and went to fight Kyurem to save the Swords of Justice!

Here, he's just weak, hurt, and crying and suddenly he's powerful?

And did he suddenly get healed?

* * *

_When he got there he was horrified. They has over one thousand slugma in a tank with the cage that has Alex in it, above it. He knew he had to do something. Then it hit him. He had to cut the bars and then use hydro pump to put out the slugma. Then they can escape._

* * *

_(Zorua bit his leg)_

Ow!

No, I'm awake!

I mean, that felt like. . .I don't even know what just happened! Why would a ship with an _Ice Cannon _have over one thousand Slugmas on it? Who on Earth even has over one thousand Slugmas lying around?

And why would Team Plasma just hang Alex over a tank of Slugma? Are they gonna drop her in? Is she a prisoner?

And what do you mean "put out the Slugma"? You can't put a Fire-type Pokemon out! Did Keldeo kill them all? Is this one of those creepy-pasta thingies Kyurem the Critic reviews? I DON'T KNOW! What is wrong with this story?! And where's N?

* * *

_His plan worked. They were able to escape. When all of them got home Alex told all four of the legendary pokemon she was going to release all of them. They wanted to object but, they knew it is up to the trainer, not the pokemon._

* * *

Wait, you don't wanna be released? I thought you were the Swords of Justice and had to go and protect Unova from evil?

If I were caught by a Trainer I'd want out!

In fact, _I _was caught by a Trainer once!

Well, actually he was sociopathic businessman, but you get the idea.

* * *

_Later that day she let them go. She personally took them back to Eterna Forest on her Reshiram._

* * *

SHE HAS RESHIRAM?

What is wrong with this girl! She's so stupid! If she has a Legendary Fire Dragon Pokemon, why doesn't she have it break her and N out, or why not have it blast the ship and break the Swords of Justice out!

This. Girl. Is. Stupid!

And what happened to N!?

* * *

_ While saying good bye, Alex couldn't help from crying. Neither could Keldeo. She would miss him so much._

_They wanted so much to stay together, but they couldn't. They had to leave each other. It was for their own good._

* * *

Well yeah, that makes sense.

Team Rocket or Team Plasma would follow them and keep trying to capture Keldeo-

* * *

_Then Cobalion budded in. He told Keldeo to go with Alex. Keldeo agreed._

* * *

_(Zorua looked shocked again)_

B-b-bu-but you just said they had to leave each other for their own good!

Make up your mind!

And where's N?!

* * *

_So did Alex. From that day on, Keldeo and Alex were always together. Talk about BFFs._

_The_

_End!_

* * *

That's how you end the story? "Talk about BFFs"? That's how you end it? What kind of ending is that? It doesn't match the rest of the story! What ever happened to "And they all lived happily ever after"?

AND! WHERE! IS! N!

Did the author even try!

There was no dialogue, the characters were just changed, it had a stupid Mary Sue, the ending was weird, and N made a cameo just to. . .I don't know. . .be left in the Team Plasma ship?

Nothing in this story made sense!

What did Keldeo actually do to get punished?

How does a pony live in a tree?

Wait, Twilight Sparkle lives in a tree. Alright, skip that question!

What was the point of those Patrats? That scene went too fast!

Where did Keldeo even go?

How did he get in that box?

How was he delivered to Alex?

Why is Alex N's girlfriend?

If Alex had a Reshiram, then why did he use him to move the box? Why didn't the Shadow Tirad steal Reshiram too?

How did crying give Keldeo power?

Where did those Slugmas come from? Did they all die?

WHAT HAPPENED TO N?!

If Keldeo loves his family so much, why does he dump them Alex? That's like if I left Meema to go with Ash and Pikachu!

And what's worse, there was no dialogue! What is this? A silent film? Did we travel back in time or something? What's the point?

How come the story had no actual scenes where stuff happens to build up the plot!

Arceus told a better story to Mew in _Nine in the Afternoon!_

_(Zorua fell down flat on his belly and whimpered. He put his front paws on his head and closed his eyes.)_

This fanfic just made me ask a gazillion questions! I had no idea what was going on throughout the entire thing!

_(Zorua opened his eyes and smiled)_

Ya know what?

_(Zorua jumped up and shouted)_

THIS STORY'S LAME!_  
_

_I_ could write a better story than this! Just because it's sweet and has conflict doesn't mean it's good. Nothing happens!

Okay, stuff does happen, but the story doesn't develop it! It's like reading one of my reviews!

_(Zorua slapped his paw over his mouth and looked around with wide eyes. The he put his paw down and glared)_

All I can say to you, Keldeo the Critic, is this Fanfic stinks, and _you _stink for making me read it!

I'm Zorua the Critic and I- _Do you got any Oran Berries! PLEASE! I really need some Oran Berries! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?_

**THE END**

Performed by Zorua son of Zoroark

**_Credits_**

_Nine in the Afternoon_ by Glory For Sleep

_My Little Pony- Generation 3_

_Angry Video Game Nerd- Ricky 1_

_The Angry Video Game Nerd vs The Nostalgia Critic_

_Bum Reviews_


	13. Zorua vs Keldeo: THE FINAL BATTLE

**Zorua vs Keldeo THE FINAL BATTLE!**

**(Third Person Point of View this time)**

Zorua tapped the IPad Mini Matthais had given him and waited until a familiar face appeared on the screen.

"CRITIC!" Zorua shouted at the Colt Pokemon.

"ZORUA!" Keldeo shouted back.

Zorua smirked and said, "So you're still criticizing me?"

"No!" Keldeo replied, "I was actually giving you a little credit. Unlike you who just call me up in the middle of an Editorial just to interrupt me and insult me!"

Zorua growled and said, "Alright, things have gone far enough! I have one thing left to say to you!"

Keldeo glared at Zorua and gritted his teeth.

"I'm sorry," Zorua said with his ears drooping and his tail between his legs.

"BRING IT ON, KITSUNE! YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? I-" Keldeo froze solid and blinked. "Wait, did you just say you're sorry?"

Zorua nodded, "Yeah. Ya see, when I sat down and reviewed that Fanfic, I realized how hard it really is to have to sit down and review something that had so many flaws and wasn't as polished as an actual official movie or episode."

Keldeo blinked and cracked a smile, "Oh. . . Well, um, to be honest, I mean, _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _was so long, and every error hit me extra hard because it was part of the official cannon, so I my expectations were so much higher. Plus it was animated in front of me so I wasn't able to use my imagination to make it what I wanted to see. So, I guess it made me realize that reviewing movies really isn't that easy either."

Zorua smiled and said, "Yeah, I mean seriously, why are we doing this?"

Keldeo chuckled and shook his head, "I don't know, it's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?"

Zorua rested his chin on his front paws and said, "Yeah, I mean it really doesn't matter. I mean, just the fact that I'm the better reviewer, of course. But I mean, nobody _really_ cares, it's not a big deal."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, yeah I guess you have a point there. I mean it made me realize that-" Keldeo stopped dead in his tracks and stared brankly at the Zorua on his tablet. _"What?"_

Zorua flipped with joy and laughed, "A-hah! Yeah! He finally admits it! But don't worry. I mean, it's not like you have to stop making your stinky reviews!"

Keldeo stamped the ground with anger and shouted, "You can go touch all nine of Ninetails' tails, you vulpine!"

Zorua bared his fangs and snarled, "And you can go make out with Rarity, you My Little Pony reject!"

Keldeo took quick deep breaths to calm himself and said, "Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I'm not gonna loose my honor and look like a lunatic. I say we just settle this. Settle this once and for all!Zorua! _I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!_"

Zorua smirked and bounced from paw to paw excitedly, "Oh, okay, you want your Fox on Pony action? Well then show me that you have the guts! Get your Blank-Flank over here, and we'll have. . ." Zorua eyes grew wide as he said dramatically, "THE FINAL BATTLE! Dun-dun-dunnnnnn!"

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and smiled, "Alright Zorua, let's settle this. Let's settle this FOREVER!"

_"Get your Blank-Flank over here!"_

_"FINE!"_

Keldeo hung up on Zorua and took off at a full gallop. He splashed through the Moor of Icirrus as fast as he could. He legs went up and down and over the terrain at top speed. The pace he was traveling at rivaled Rapidash and Arcanine.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zorua looks up from his IPad Mini Matthais had given him. He walks over to the entrance to the cave and stared off into the distance.

* * *

After some time, Keldeo reached the shores of Unova. Not slowing down a bit, Keldeo used Hydro Pump to run across the waters surface. A huge wake was formed behind him as he rocketed across the ocean. Soon Keldeo rose up above the water's surface and just flew over the sea. He soared higher and higher until he could make out a thick patch of fog further out. Keldeo dived down and splashed into the water. His Aqua Jet propelled him through the water like a torpedo. Basculin and Alomomola watched him fly by in shock.

Keldeo broke the water's surface in time to see an island up ahead. Keldeo flew over to the mountainous island and landed on the shore. He ran through the the forest, dodging tree limbs, until he burst through a final bush and saw Zorua standing in the mouth of the cave.

Keldeo shouted a battle cry and dived for Zorua. Zorua quickly jumped out of the way and transformed into a Tangrowth. The Tangrowth shot Vine Whip at Keldeo and wrapped him tightly around the waist. Keldeo struggled with all his might, but he couldn't get free. He then tried using Secret Sword to cut through the vines, but the sword merely passed through the vines like a ghost.

_"Stupid Illusions. . .so real. . ." _Keldeo thought. Then he looked at the Tangrowth and thought, _"How about I take out the source!"_

Keldeo then spat a Focus Blast at the Tangrowth.

"Meep!" was all that Zorua had enough time to say before the Focus Blast scored a Super Effective hit on his face.

* * *

"You okay know Zorua? Should I get you some more Oran Berries from the forest?"

Some time had passed, and Zorua had needed time to lie down and eat a few Oran Berries. Zorua finished chewing and swallowing one of the round, blue fruits and replied, "Don't worry. KawaiiJoltic gave me a whole bunch of 'em. And I feel fine now." Zorua then frowned, "Well, that was kinda anti-climatic, wasn't it?"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, it was. But let's be serious here. I'm a Legendary Pokemon who's trained all my life with the Swords of Justice. You're still young, and Zoroark still teaching you how be strong. This battle was never fair at all."

Zorua nodded sadly, "Yeah, you're right. In order to beat you'd, I'd have to evolve first. But how are we gonna settle the argument and prove that I'm better than you!?"

Keldeo resisted the urge to face hoof and said, "Well, we could have a different kind of battle. . ." Keldeo's face suddenly lit up with a smile. "That's it! I've got it!"

"What is it?" Zorua asked.

"You'll see in a moment. Hey, can I use your IPad Mini? I need to contact somebody. . ."

* * *

"Alright! Get ready, cause it's time for EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!" Matthais shouted into a microphone. Zorua and Keldeo stood on opposite sides of the stage Matthais' rap battle studio.

"I'm Matthais Unidostres, and today we got _**Zorua**_ vs _**Keldeo the Critic**_!"

_**"BEGIN!"**_

* * *

**Zorua:**

This battle will leave you crying like in that Fanfic I reviewed!

An honorable Sword of Justice? Your reviews are rude and crude!

Can't even make up your mind! Remember _Nine in the Afternoon?_

And you left your three guardians to freeze and meet their doom!

**Keldeo the Critic:**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction!

I'm a Sword of Justice! This kid's got a berry addiction!

All you got is your little kids who want you as a plushie!

At least I don't love every piece of fiction I see!

**Zorua:**

Your parents died in a fire, you didn't even try to save 'em!

I got Ash to save Meema from Kodai, and we beat him!

Quit playing the Portal 2 Announcer! You're reviews are all wrong,

And we're all tired of hearing the "The Reviews Began" song!

**Keldeo the Critic:**

I didn't leave the Swords to die, Ash helped me save 'em too!

My parents may be dead, but at least I had two!

I grew up in the streets, puppy! And I spit Focus Blasts!

In a battle between us, a minute was all you could last!

**Zorua**:

OH MY GOSH! THIS IS THE GREATEST RAP BATTLE OF MY LIFE!

I was innocent in my movie, all you did was cause strife,

Getting Kyurem mad and causing his army to terrorize the city,

You're so weak, not even Team Rocket wanted you, what a pity!

So Meema raised me by herself? She was more than I could ever want!

But wait, then Papa Lucario came! Your insult didn't have much thought!

I'll tie this pony up like Pinkie did in CSImadmax's comic

There's only so many ways I can say you make me sick!

* * *

_"Alright! I'm gonna teach this brat a lesson!"_

Keldeo gasped and turned to see Terrakion running into the studio.

"Terrakion!" Keldeo gasped.

Terrakion smiled and nodded, "Alright, Keldeo. Watch and learn as I hit this brat with a verbal Hyper Beam!"

* * *

**Terrakion:**

Now that the toughest Sword of Justice has finally stood up,

I'm gonna tell Bowser Junior here to just shut up!

You the "Ditto Fox", all you got is your mom's fur coat!

You reviews only have those wacky abridged quotes!

My name is Terrakion, don't forget it Zoru-duuuuuh!

I'm the only Rock/Fighting-type Pokemon! Uh-huh!

I'm the Heavy Weight champion of the four Swords! You're weak!

My Stone Edge has your Scratch attack beat!

* * *

_"You leave him along, you big, fat bully!"_

Everyone turned to see Luke's girl Zorua run in to Zorua side. The two of them exchanged a quick nuzzle, and then Luke's Zorua launched into a fun bouncy rap.

* * *

**Luke's Zorua (Zoey):**

I play any part that you want! As long as it's a female!

It's time to show these Little Ponies that they're designs are a fail!

I had my own movie in Mr. Matthew's theater! Mr. T, you were frozen!

You should be in a Toys R Us, right next to Big Mac and

Cheerilee and the other Little Ponies in pink aisle,

My boyfriend and I are so cute all who see us smile!

Illusions are a great defense mechanism,

Our Abilities are multipurpose, unlike Justified, which was useless against Kyurem!

Keldeo? More like Kelde-_dohdoh_, what's up with that?

Kyurem just touched your King Sombra horn, and it went CRACK!

I would rather train with Pinkie Pie than get leased by Rarity,

Yeah I brought up that comic again, for it's Special Effectivity!

If you're a King Sombra clone, then you're _not _a Sword of Justice!

Not even that jerk Jules could ever make me this pissed!

You're never gonna beat this giant Golurk guardian!

Because it's MY movie, I'm Zoey the Zorua!

* * *

_"Those last too rhymes didn't even rhyme!"_

Zorua and Zoey gasped and hugged each other in fear as Cobalion marched onto the stage, glaring at the two of them.

"Alright. . ." Keldeo smiled as the music changed to a serious beat, and Cobalion chuckled softly.

* * *

**Cobalion**:

All living creatures beware, this Pokemon has been released,

By the end of this the memory of that comic will be deceased!

I punish humans hard for their crimes against Pokemon

You bring out my purest disgust, the Swords of Justice want you gone

I'm the Four Swords' leader, teach you a lesson, we're not messing,

Your Illusions mean nothing, so be silent and take your medicine!

I've got a cold heart of steel, I don't care if you cry,

I'd say I'm sorry to you babies, but Iron Will doesn't apologize!

Luke's movies are just a joke, nobody even knows the him,

And since when were you called Zoey? Not that I care, Ditto twins,

You have slandered the Swords of Justice, it's time for you to loose,

Matthais gave you the rope, and you're each tying your noose.

* * *

There was an explosion as the door was blown open by an Aura Sphere. Lucario ran in and faced Cobalion and gave him a death glare, snarling with rage.

* * *

**Lucario**:

Yo! Hold on Swords! Aura Pokemon in the building!

The Aura is With Me when you're rapping against me,

It's a good evening to defeat this inferior Steel/Fighting type!

My raps are inspired from Aaron, call me Aura Guardian, I saved Mew,

Tree of Life was so sick, but I made it all better!

When it comes to battles, it's got my name,

Super Smash Bros. Brawl, I got the fortune and fame!

I'm running this rap game!

I'll shove an Aura Sphere in your mouths, Ponies'll get beat by this hound,

One more thing, funny thing is, you're worse than the Mane Six!

You insult my child and wife? You all make me sick!

* * *

Lucario nodded, "There, take that. Now, I'm here to take Zorua home-."

Suddenly, Virizion jumped onto the stage from the roof. A guitar beat kicked up as Virizion started her rap.

* * *

**Virizion:**

BATTLE ON! Virizion's here to help her friends!

Just like any of my battles, I fight until the end!

I'm the Grassland Pokemon, move like a whirl-wind!

I'm about to do it again, I'll leave you breathless at the end!

This K-9 trio will be taken down by Magical Leaf!

Zorua, your howling's bad beyond belief,

And Luke's Zorua and a Lucario? No matter, I'll teach you two a lesson!

Why don't you quit trying to rap and mourn for Sir Aaron?

Lucario, you got a second chance, and used it to get a mate,

Why don't you get off your lazy behind after cheating fate.

I've got an idea, how about I swiftly cut you up!

It's just like a pack of dogs to never shut-up!

* * *

Suddenly, all the lights went out all at once, making it pitch black in the studio. A lone spotlight shone down; revealing Lucario, Zorua, and Zoey standing in the center, looking up. The Swords of Justice stood back and watched what was happening. Black smoke began to snake down from the ceilings and curled around in the center of the spotlight. The smoke soon formed the shape of the Illusion Fox Pokemon herself. Zoroark stood on her hind legs and looked directly at the Sword of Justice. She then threw her head back and roared a blood curdling cry. Keldeo was clearly afraid, Terrakion actually stepped back, Virizion looked clearly nervous, and Cobalion's right eye actually twitched.

* * *

**Zoroark**:

The Master has entered, so ALL EYES ON ME!

I'm a hardcore Pokemon, unlike these pussy Ponies!

I'll take all you punks at once, so let's see what you got!

I'll own all your Swords faster than my black neck got shocked!

Fill fans with awe with just the mention of my name, ya'll are lame,

Just a bunch off silly Equine Legends gaining cheap fame!

So bodacious, I took on the Legendary Beasts!

I'm a Crowning Moment of Awesome with rhymes that can't be beat.

DARK PULSE! It's all over for you now, Musketeers!

My Illusions will trap you in your worst fears!

You raps are criminal, have fun with my NIGHT SLASH!

I made everyone look like cardboard, yet I'm a cannon of glass!

Watch closely, my child, these fools going down,

It's all going down, cause Zoroark runs this town!

Kodai took me out in M13, but Celebi brought me back,

The world will always remember this ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! NIGHT DAZE ATTACK!

* * *

While rapping, Zoroark threw herself upon the Sword of Justice. She easily got a hit on Keldeo first, while the other Swords attempted to hit her with their own attacks. Zoroark quickly dodged the Flash Cannon, Magical Leaf, and Hyper Beam. She then created an illusion of Kyurem and bathed the entire room in a freezing breeze. Virizion was quickly driven down by the terrible cold and fell down on the ground shivering in defeat.

Zoroark canceled the illusion and hit Virizion with a DARK PULSE. Terrakion fired Stone Edge at Zoroark, who dodged it an turned into Suicine and doused Terrakion in an illusion of water. She then hit him with NIGHT SLASH, knocking him down.

Cobalion and Keldeo charged Zoroark with Sacred Sword and Secret Sword. Zoroark created the illusion of purple crystals growing towards them. The two Swords of Justice jumped over it and were headed right towards Zoroark. However, Zoroark created a well placed NIGHT DAZE ATTACK that hit them in their chests. The air was knocked out of them, and Zoroark jumped forward and hit them both with Night Slash, knocking them down for the last time.

Zoroark smiled and canceled the Illusion, and the lights all turned back on. The Swords of Justice all lay knocked out in a loose pile near the far wall.

Zorua jumped onto his mother's shoulder and nuzzled her cheek.

"You _are_ the strongest Pokemon ever, Meema!" he said.

Zoey admired Zoroark in awe as Lucario nodded and leaned in to lick Zoroark on the cheek.

"Let's go home," Lucario said.

Zoroark nodded, and the family left the studio. Zoey looked over at Matthais, then at the Swords of Justice, then back at Matthais.

"Um. . .will they be okay?" Zoey asked.

Matthais nodded, "Oh yes, of course they will. Come on, I'll take you back to Luke now."

Zoey looked back at the Swords of Justice one more time, and then she followed Matthais out of the studio.

A few seconds later, Keldeo started twitching.

His eye snapped open. . . .

**THE END?**

**_Credits_**

_Nostalgia__ Critic vs Angry Video Game Nerd: The Final Battle_

_Epic Rap Battle Parodies : Eminem vs Macklemore - Epic Rap Battle Parodies _by ERBParodies

_Pokemans-Pink _by CSImadmax

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

**_Special_**_** Thanks**_

_**KawaiiJoltic:  
**_

"I'd love to see a Rap Battle between Zorua and Keldeo to settle their argument from Zorua Reviews chapter eight. No clue what to bace it off of, but you could maybe have guest appearances by the Sacred Swordsmen and Zoroark, Zoey, and Luke to break them apart if things get too intense."

_TvTropes_

_Epic Rap Battles of History _by Nicepeter


	14. BW 126- Crowning the Scalchop King

_**She's gonna watch the Anime. . .**_

Zoroark cloaked herself with an Illusion and walked into a Pokemon Center. She then sat herself down in front of a PC.

_**And come up with a review today. . .**_

Zorua and Riolu jumped in behind her. Riolu played a small acoustic guitar and Zorua was singing.

_**She'd rather have. . .**_

_**A Krookodile. . .**_

_**Pin her down and chew on her hair. **_

Zoroark scratched her head and pressed a few of the keys on the keyboard.

_**She'd rather eat. . .**_

_**A rotten Pecha Berry. . .**_

Zoroark gave the PC screen a death glare and gave herself a double face palm.

_**Then drown it down with Moo Moo Milk.**_

Zoroark took a sip from a bottle of Moo Moo Milk, but then spat it out and looked at it in disgust.

**_She's the world's biggest and greatest cynic!_**

Zoroark tapped the screen with a claw.

**_She's the Angry Anime Critic!_**

Zoroark hit the side of the PC a few times and growled at it.

**_She's the Angry Anime. . . ._**

**_Critic. . . ._**

**The Angry Anime Critic- Best Wishes 126- Crowning the Scalchop King**

**(Zoroark's point of view, of course)**

Zoroark here, and after that whole Zorua vs Keldeo the Critic nonsense. . .

_(Zoroark cracked a smile)_

Actually I thoroughly enjoyed thrashing them in that Rap Battle. Heh-heh. I do have kinda of a mischievous streak in me.

_(Zoroark flipped and turned into Pikachu. Pikachu winked and turned back into Zoroark.)_

Anyway, I've been thinking about Keldeo the Critic in general, and I've released that we've left someone out of all this.

* * *

_(Meloetta smiles and says) "I'm Meloetta the Chick and I just reviewed some FanFiction!"_

* * *

_(Zoroark smiled and shakes her head)_

No, no, no. I'm talking about Mewtwo, also known as "The Angry Rated M Clone." Well, quite frankly, he's so powerful and prone to angry that any attempt to feud with him would result in total destruction, not to mention a guaranteed loss. But I_ did_ want to do a little salute to him, just to acknowledge his existence. But I _did not_ want to read a rated M fanfic. So, I decided to do an _extremely negative _review on something to simulate the hatred and disgust Mewtwo would show to a filthy M rated story. And what better target than the worst Pokemon episode of all time.

_(Zoroark got very close and said seriously)_

That's right. _The worst Pokemon episode EVER! _I don't mean just in Black and White. No, I mean the worst episode in the ENTIRE series! From Kanto to Unova, this episode is the worst!

So, without further ado, let us review the _Pokemon Black and White: Adventures in Unova and Beyond _episode, and the worst one ever made, _Best Wishes 126- Crowning the Scalchop King._

It starts out with Ash, Iris, and Cilan on their cruise ship to the Unova Islands. Suddenly, the ship is _swarming _with Oshawotts and Dewotts. Okay, this makes no sense. Where did they all come from? They weren't there in the previous episode? Where'd they come from? I guess they were all in their Pokeballs, and were all let out at the same time? I don't know, I'm just guessing here. But at first, I thought it was a dream sequence Oshawott was having where his race took over the ship or something.

So then Nurse Joy, I mean Officer Jenny, I mean Don George, I mean Parker- _what is with all these clone characters?_ It's not clever, it's lazy!

So Parker number 2 explains that the Trainers are bringing their Oshawotts and Dewotts to a special contest on Scalchop Island, a sea shell shaped island made out of sea shells.

_(Zoroark gained a dead-pan expression)_

Oh my gosh. This the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

You expect me to believe that a whole bunch of sea shells were all gathered in one spot in the ocean, _in the shape of a sea shell no less,_ and then an island formed on top of them, _still in the shape of a sea shell?_

I hate it when cartoons treat you like an idiot.

So Oshawott comes out of his Pokeball and plans to win the contest.

And that's when you realize that this is gonna be an Oshawott episode.

_(Zoroark face palmed)_

I don't like Oshawott. He is so annoying, it's not even funny. He's like the _Annoying Orange _and _FRED _of Pokemon. Yeah, I went there. And wait, wasn't the very first episode of Ad_ventures in Unova and Beyond _an Oshawott episode? How many of these episodes do you need?

So, our heroes get to the island, and the characters spend a lot of time pointing out merchandising.

. . .really?

Yes, there are Scalchop cookies, chocolate, jewelry, t-shirts-_ is this a satire of Pokemon merchandise?_

So, at the tournament, Freddy the Scoop is announcing. Either he's another clone character or he just really gets around. So he explains that the winner of the contests gets the giant Golden Scalchop.

And guess who's there? Team Rocket! And for some reason, they want it. But why? For the gold? I guess. . .

But the Golden Scalchop is only one prize. I guess the contest is boys only, because the other prize is that the winner gets to take his place as Scalchop King next to the Scalchop Queen, Osharina.

_(Zoroark sighed)_

Oh boy, we're in trouble. What does this entail? Are they supposed to marry or mate? Do they just live together? And wait, so they're making a woman a prize? What were the writers thinking? What are they saying?_ "Winner gets the tramp"_? This is horrible! This is disgusting! Well Ash doesn't stop and think about this. I'd understand Ash not thinking, but Cilan and Iris? I thought they were supposed to be smart, or at least smarter than Ash!

So, we get a reminder of why Oshawott is annoying. The moment he sees Osharina, he falls in love with her and runs in with a bouquet of roses. Luckily, Osharina has standards, and rejects him. It's like every girl Oshawott see, he falls in love with! Emolga, Purrloin, Vanilluxe, Melloeta, Buneary- _make it stop! _At least Brock got his ear pulled or his bottom Poison Jabbed every time. That made it funny. Oshawott is just annoying and creepy. Let's hope he doesn't win, for Osharina's sake.

Soon after, a Dewott smacks him in the head.

_(Zoroark claps slowly)_

Point added.

This is Caesar the Dewott, owned by a self-centered, arrogant, pompous Trainer named Cadbury. Imagine Burgundy, only male. No, Imagine Misty from _A Different Kind of Princess _by Toadettegirl2012, only male! Yeah, I went there. He is intolerable! I can't stand this guy! He is so rude to Ash and Oshawott and is so insulting that I almost feel sorry for Oshawott. _Almost._

So, yeah, point deducted.

So, Team Rocket disguises Meowth as a Dewott.

A Dewott with a long, curly cat tail.

Wow. . .

Wow. . .

There's being gullible, and then there's being stupid. But this is like. . .Mr. Magoo! Yeah, I went there. This episode is really making me go places.

So, the judges are Don George and Nurse Joy.

The first part of the contest involves the Oshawotts and Dewotts holding up their Scalchops to be admired. The crowd go gaga over them and the judges make their comments on them.

This would be interesting IF ALL THE SCALCHOPS DIDN'T LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME! Are these people insane?

This would be funny IF IRIS AND CILAN DIDN'T POINT THAT PROBLEM OUT! Cilan even says "I couldn't be a Scalchop Connesuier even if I wanted to." So basically the audience is just lost wondering what the heck is going on.

So the crowd like Oshawott's, they like Caeser's even more, and then it's Meowth's turn. So he takes out two GIANT Scalchops James made for him. And the judges say that he wins the first event-WHAT?

Yeah, they like how morbidly huge the Scalchops are. They also ignore the fact that Meowth took them out of a bag, when Dewotts are supposed to carry them on their legs. Are we in Season One again? Cause these people are IDIOTS!

So in the next event, they have to throw their Scalchops at a target. Oshawott nearly misses, Caesar gets a bull's eye, and Meowth misses the target. However, Jessie and James use a remote control to make the Scalchop fly around and zoom in on the bull's eye.

After that, James interrupts the show. Wait, what? Why is James able to do this? Anyway, he gives us a schematic that shows that the Scalchop has a bunch of electronics in it the allows it to fly around. Wait, he just broke the Fourth Wall!

_(Zoroark sighed)_

Whatever. Anyway, the next event is the Brick Breaking Contest, where the Pokemon have to use their Scalchops to smash through a bunch of bricks. Caeser gets second place and then Meowth gets first. . .right after James interrupts the show _again. _Why is he able to do this? We get it, you invented the world's most perfect artificial Scalchop, you don't have to break the Fourth Wall just to tell us. Why don't you tell Jessie about it, and we can learn about it that way.

Anyway, Oshawott places third.

Remember all those Pokemon Contests in Diamond and Pearl? Well, those were so amazing back then, that that's exactly what the next event is. I never could get into those things. Maybe it's because there's not enough action. Maybe it's because you could never do those in the games.

So it's down to Caeser, Oshawott, and Meowth. The top two go to the final round.

Caeser uses Aqua Jet to fly around and make a rainbow.

Then, Oshawott uses Aqua Jet to fly around and make a rainbow. . .wait, what? All he did was copy! In fact, I think they actually reused the animation! How lazy can you get!

To be fair, Ash apparently planned to have Oshawott do something differently after that, but we never find out what that is because while in flight, Oshawott is distracted by Queen Osharina and ends up crashing into Ash! See how annoying that annoying. . .beaver. . .otter. . .thing is!

Okay, so then Jessie and James bring in a trampoline. . .isn't that against the rules? Anyway, Meowth bounces on it while waving his Scalchops wildly like Fury Swipes, and it is the most ridiculous, awkward thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

. . .

And the audience and judges like it.

It's like everyone who owns an Oshawott turns into an idiot, or something!

But Meowth's wild flailing causes his disguise to come off. So, Team Rocket takes their disguises off and perform their motto.

And that was the best part of the episode.

I'm serious. _Team Rocket's Motto is literally the best part of this entire episode._

_(Zoroark gained a pitiful look)_

That's just sad.

Anyway, Team Rocket decides to just steal the Golden Scalchop. Wait, why didn't they do that at the start? I mean, why not? They're the villains, why don't they just try stealing it. They already cheated, why not just go all the way at the start.

So, since there are no Officer Jenny or security guards- oh, and about that, if the special Queen Osharina of Scalchop Island is here, shouldn't she have guards? What if Team Rocket wanted to kidnap her? Anyway, Ash has Pikachu zap Team Rocket with Thunderbolt. However, Meowth blocks it with his giant Scalchops, and _James interrupts the show again to tell us that he made them with high defense? _Oh come on! What is this? _The Emperor's New School?_

YEAH, I WENT THERE!

But then, the Thunderbolt causes the Scalchops to overload, and they blow up like bombs and send Team Rocket blasting off again.

_(Zoroark moaned in anguish_)

NOOOOOOOOO!

You were the best part of the episode! Without you, I have nothing to look forward to in this episode! Come back, Team Rocket! Please come back!

_(Zoroark slapped her cheeks and quickly composed herself)_

Okay, we're getting through this.

Everyone ignores the fact than an evil Kanto organization was just there and the tournament continues. The final event is a good old fashion Pokemon battle. That annoying, stuck, pompous Cadbury goes on boasting on how Caesar is so much better than Oshawott cause he's the evolved form. He also keeps insulting Ash and Oshawott and acting all high and mighty, oh my gosh, shut this guy up! I hate people like this!

So after Caesar and Oshawott use the same moves at each other and Caesar keeps winning, Ash gets the brilliant idea to use a different move, and Oshawott cancels out Caesar's surf with a Razor Shell. This causes Cadbury to get Ash to agree that they should both only use their Scalchops. This isn't so bad, until Cadbury breaks his own rule! He has Caesar combine Razor Shell with Aqua Jet! Then what was the point of him making that stupid restriction? So, Ash has Oshawott do the same thing, they both collide, and Caeser gets knocked out. _WAIT!_

_(Zoroark rubbed her eyes and looked in shock)_

WHAT?!

How did he win?

Well, to be technical, Oshawott did this spinning drill move, while Caesar just flew with his Razor Shells sticking out on the sides. So, I guess Oshawott's attack scored a more damaging hit while avoiding most of Caesar's damage.

So Cadbury is finally put in his place! Thank goodness! Now all that's left are Georgia and Burgundy.

So Oshawott is awarded the golden Scalchop, and gets to be the Scalchop King with Queen Osharina for a year. . .wait, what?

Well this is a complete shock to Ash as well. And Iris and Cilan too. So Cilan reads the rules- _Now he reads the rules? _This is Cilan we're talking about! Why does he read the rules after the tournament is over?_  
_

_(Zoroark eyes suddenly light up and a smile spreads across her face)_

Wait a minute. . .does this mean Oshawott is going to leave Ash? Oh please, oh please. . .

Well, Ash seems to feel sad about this, and so does Oshawott, but then he sees Osharina and like, "Ash who?" and falls in love again. And then Ash realizes that Oshawott loves Osharina a lot, and would be happier on Scalchop Island with her. Ash looks sad, but he wants what's best for Oshawott and decides to. . .let him stay. . .

. . .and then we get all these flashbacks. . .Ash meeting Oshawott from _In The Shadow of Zekrom. . ._defeating Cilan's Pansage and Ash being awarded the Trio Badge from _Dreams by the Yard Full. . ._Tying with Lenora's Watchog in _Rematch at the Nacrene Gym_. . .Exercising with Ash in order to use its temporary giant Scalchop in _Oshawott's Lost Scalchop_. . . .Defeating Clay's Krokorok in _Battling the King of the Mines. . ._

_(Zoroark smiles while getting misty eyed)_

Wow. . .this is like when Ash released Butterfree. . .or when he left Charizard to train in Charific Valley. . .I mean. . .wow. . .this is kinda touching actually.

Now, you may be wondering how this episode can be the worse ever _now. . ._

_(Zoroark's smile disappeared and her voice now dripped with scorn)_

Osharina jumps towards Caesar, they hug each other, Cadbury smugly announces that Caesar was Osharina's true love after all, Oshawott is so heartbroken that his Scalchop snaps in half_ by itself_, that disqualifies Oshawott, which means Caesar wins, Oshawott's Scalchop is taped back together with an "X" of tape until it heals, they go back on the cruise ship, Oshawott falls in love with a random passing Cincinno and chases her with a bouquet of roses, The End.

_(Zoroark nodded solemnly)_

You know how everyone doesn't like _Lost at the League_ because it's a filler episode? Well, I actually laughed at that episode more than I laughed at this. You know why?

_(Zoroark snarled and bared her fangs)_

BECAUSE THIS EPISODE SUCKS!

First of all, how are you going to show all those flashbacks with Oshawott as if this was his big goodbye and then pull such a jerk move like this! And don't you _dare_ say they did the same thing with Pikachu in _Pikachu's Goodbye_. No one really believed that they'd get rid of the show's, no, _the franchise's_ _mascott! _And besides, we saw Ash and Pikachu's relationship grow over the season, so that whole episode showed the strength of their bond and what they meant to each other. Plus, _the entire episode built up to it! _Oshawott had no attachment to Ash, at least nothing that was tried and tested like Pikachu's bond with Ash. Plus, the "goodbye" came totally out of nowhere!

Also, this is gonna piss off two types of fans. The people who like Oshawott will be mad that the writers pulled a nasty trick on them, and the intelligent people who find Oshawott annoying will be upset that they didn't put Oshawott on a bus.

Oh boy, now I have to explain. When a character is Put On a Bus, the character is written out of a series in such a way that they can easily be returned later, if the producers so choose. This has been done before in Pokemon, most notably with Charizard, who was left in Charific Valley, and has only recently come back. Oshawott could have been happily left with Osharina on Scalchop Island and Ash could have moved on with his journey without this little Buizel knock-off popping out of his Pokeball, being annoying, stealing food, and running after random girls!

Second of all, Cadbury wins! All of those hurtful things he said throughout the entire episodes have been validated by this horrible ending! Couldn't Oshirina have gone for some other random Oshawott or Dewott? Why did it have to be Caesar? That puffed up punk won! Then writers spent the entire episode making us all hate this guy, and then they let him win? What is wrong with these writers?

Third of all, his Scalchop just breaks in half? What is this? _Adventure Time With Ash and Oshawott? _I swear, this feels like an episode of _Adventure Time_! It's so stupid and random! Was that supposed to be funny? Well it wasn't! You know what would have been funny?

ANYTHING THAT'S NOT IN THIS AGONIZING EPISODE!

And fourth of all, the fact that Oshawott falls in love with that Cincinno. Are you kidding me? In that case, if Ash had left Oshawott with Osharina, then it wouldn't have been true love, it would have been Oshawott's addiction to females! Not that I would care as long as he left the show. It just shows how pathetic and hopeless Oshawott is.

_(Zoroark blinked as sudden realization came to her)_

My gosh. . .I just figured it out. One of two things has happened here. Either this was a sick joke made by the writers who got together one night and said, "Hey, what if we made the worst episode that we can possibly make and see how the Pokemon fans react?"; or the writers hated Oshawott and made this episode so everyone else would hate Oshawott too.

If it was the second one, good job, cause now I hate Oshawott more than ever! This episode has forever cemented Oshawott as Ash's worst Pokemon! Think off how terrible that little jerk has been. Not wanting to battle in the Normal-type Gym, fighting with Tepig, fighting with Piplup, eating the Trubishs' fruit- oh my gosh, I hate that little punk.

_(Zoroark shook her head and closed her eyes)_

And this episode. . .it was _sooooo _bad! It wasn't funny. Not at all. I didn't feel like laughing _once_. Not even Meowth was funny. I was just waiting for his disguise to come off. James' Fourth Wall breaking confused me. Sure, the motto was entertaining, but that doesn't count. Cadbury got me angry, Cilan and Iris were shoved to the side lines, and it gave me false hope for Oshawott leaving the show only to smash it to pieces.

There was _nothing _good about this episode.

_(Zoroark snarled and pointed with her right claw)_

This was the worst Pokemon episode I've ever seen in my life!

It sucks eggs! It sucks Scalchops! It just. . .sucks!

In fact, I review to acknowledge its existence. As far as I know, this episode never happened! Never! That's it! I'm done!

_(Zoroark stood with her arms folded and a frown on her face. But then she smiled a bit)_

Well? Was I as negative and cynical as Mewtwo?

_(Zorua and Riolu ran in from behind her and they played the end of their song)_

**_She's the Angry Anime. . ._**

_(Zoroark growled at them, causing them to flinch. Zoroark sighed.)_

I'm sorry. Mommy's just a little frustrated from the horrible episode. But go ahead. Finish the song so we can get back home.

_(Zoroark left, leaving Zorua and Lucario. The youngsters shrugged and finished the last few notes of the song)_

_ **Critic. . .**_

**THE END**

Performed by Zoroark

**_Credits_**

_Nostalgia Critic- Bebe's Kids the Game_

_Angry Video Game Critic Song_

_The Angry Video Game Nerd vs The Nostalgia Critic_

Disney's _The Emperor's New School_

___A Different Kind of Princess _by Toadettegirl2012

_Mr. Magoo_

_Adventure Time_

_Annoying Orange_

_FRED_

**_Special Thanks_**

_TVtropes_

_Benthelooney_

**_Can you find the two secret Portal 2 references in this review? Here's a hint: They're right next to each other!_**


End file.
